Christmas, Christmas - time of the year

It's rainy, wet, cold, festive, celebratory, joyful, fearful, and a period of reflecting on the year past.

Sitting down at my semi-messy table, the best thing that has happened this year, that makes it a special one, was perhaps my baptism on Good Friday. It was a thought that I toyed with for a few years, but never quite had the courage to take that step and make a public proclamation of my faith, in the presence of friends, both believing and non-believing (to hear about the God that I am proclaiming). The dunking aside, it marks a milestone in my faith as a Christian for seven years (!), and there will be many more along the way to come, God willing. There have been occasions that I did not behave as a Christian should, even though I am trying hard. Godliness is a goal that I am constantly striving towards, it will be a hard journey, but one that God has promised and it is the only right response if I were to proclaim Him as my God.

Uni life has been fantastic, and packed full of activities, meeting new people, trying out new things and failing at some. There have been some points in the past 2.5 years in NUS that have been disappointing, but I am thoroughly thankful for where I am today that God has placed me. Biz, USP, Regen-the three most important parts of my uni life. At biz, I learn what I like. At USP, I am exposed to things I never thought I'd ever learn. At regen, possibly the best support from fellow Christians I have outside of church. There are plenty of things that I wished I had put more time in, instead of just wasting my time on unproductive and unhelpful stuff. 1.5/2 years left in NUS, it's perhaps not too late to think of and act on making better use of my time.

23 years old, and turning 24 in exactly a month. A possible third of my life has passed. There is still plenty in life and about Christ to learn, and to live. And the thing about getting a partner and marriage, it is still something that I am earnestly praying for.

2014, you've been a good one. Here's to another great year ahead.

Jude.

The letter from Jude is perhaps one of the shortest of the 66 books in the bible. Yet, in those few verses, it packs a punch. The reminder to contend for the gospel and its truth is compelling, and still very much relevant in today's context in Singapore. 

So far, over two Sundays at church, I have learnt heaps and been very encouraged by the sermons, not that I haven't been before that. For the sake of the gospel, it is of utmost importance and urgency to rebuke false teachers and throw false teaching out of the window, for they are no gospel and not about God. 

The reasons the false teachers give, especially regarding false teaching, may seem plausible at first. Upon probing and deeper examination, all the maggots and rotten insides get exposed. One common argument put forth by such groups is "What we preach does not really matter, what is most important is that we are brining people to God. Can't you see our church growing and new people accepting Christ?" But the implication of making that statement is that God's kingdom and church will grow through false teachings! What heresy! God's church is based on the gospel of Jesus Christ, not on the prosperity gospel, not a chance. The bible can't be clearer on that. 

Dear brothers and sister in Christ, for the sake of the gospel and the truth, fight, reject and cast out false teachings at all costs. Be discerning and loving, even though the latter can be very hard to do. Remember, it is for the sake of Jesus Christ. 

Accepting (perceived) Differences

Differences can be frustrating. Sometimes, I question why do certain groups of people not do things a particular way. Some other times, I hope they could change so that there will be less friction. But all the time, I am missing the point, as far as my concerns are, well, concerned. 

The focus on myself is essentially selfish, and putting what matters most out of the picture. What the bible says is true and should guide the way I think, and I could so easily point of the times where the latter has not been the case. Fundamentally speaking, we all gather because of what Christ has done. That's why we see the necessity to keep pushing each other on in the right direction. If that remains the same, I don't think the initial bitterness would surface. 

Perhaps I am just too cynical about everything, which might not be such a good thing sometimes. It is, at times, wiser to let go of my own selfish beliefs and take that 'bible snob' out, putting it to death. It's not only about head knowledge, as we always say. 

Of joy, and thankfulness.

"It's 2 o'clock", my laptop tells me in a matter-of-fact tone. Yes, it is 2 in the morning. 

I have been staying up late and messing with my sleep cycle, and it has affected me a fair bit. I'm clearly feeling the fatigue, and I still have to trudge through each day's duties. Those are, after all, my duties. There are some things that I still enjoy doing and will find time to do no matter how tired I am feeling and how terrible the week has been. 

All I want sometimes is to just spend an hour or two in the kitchen (yes, any kitchen!) and prepare a good meal for myself or an additional portion too. Food gathers people and it is possibly the best way too. It is through the people that God has placed around me that I am also encouraged to serve them and learn from them. And through which, I derive joy, knowing that all these come from God alone. 

This semester of uni has been one that's challenging for me, and the most tiring one to date. I think, however, that it happens to be the most meaningful one. Even though it can be hard to see certain things not working out and not going according to plan, and that it has been trying to get through each week, God has been particularly gracious as he has always been. For that, and what Christ has done, I am thankful. I do not deserve this, not a single bit.

I just need a couple of moments away, maybe just a couple more.

Conversations.

Good conversations go a long way, and they do good. I am grateful and in awe of the way God works. What was supposed to be a simple coffee break in the afternoon and introducing two friends to what I have been drinking turned out to be an intense (in a helpful way!) conversation about Christianity and its fundamentals.

It wasn't my first time talking about this topic, but it is the first time talking about this topic to people not from church or regen. It is refreshing to hear and discuss our views on praise and worship, speaking in tongues, and the purpose of certain things we do, among a lot of other things. It is encouraging to see fellow Christians here in USP taking plenty of joy in Christ, and thinking about things.

We can all say that we are Christians, yet each one of us differ in our stand on certain issues. Ultimately, it is Christ and what He has done that joins us as one family. It is because of our faith in Christ that brings us together. Points of disagreements prevail, but these are peripheral. It is ever so easy to put on that ivory tower mindset in the way we approach other Christians, thinking cynically about everyone else. Not only is that not helpful, it is sinful. Essentially, by doing so, one is putting Christ out of the picture. We are Christians, and we need Jesus as much as another Christian needs, and as much as a non-Christian needs.

I will keep asking questions, not in doubt that Christ is not enough, but to marvel at His greatness. They call it 'equipping'.

QUIDDITCH.

It's my third year, and I just had a good game of quidditch–an annual game where students gather to unwind and have fun as a USP community. It's tiring running around with a broom between my legs, but I don't think I have had so much fun in a long time. It was an excellent time playing alongside the juniors, seniors and batch mates, and a break from all the stress that has been steadily building up at quite a quick pace.

USP is one thing that I have been incredibly thankful for, and God has been showing me the community's need for the gospel, just as all of us do actually. In all honesty, trudging through each semester in USP is not easy–workload is heavy, content is alien, sleep is a luxury. Yet every now and then I am put into situations where the difficulties seem easier to manage. A good and growing Christian community that I can talk to, some of my closest friends in uni are in USP, and a bunch of very encouraging freshmen who are ever so enthusiastic about uni life. Lots of people out there do not understand the problems and troubles USP students face, and we are often labelled as being 'elitist' and 'arrogant'. It takes one to know one, and to know, one has to be in it.

One thing that I remind myself each day before I set out for class from Cinnamon College. "Be yourself, behave as God has instructed because you are now in Christ." Uni life may be hard, but God is still in control and it is, in every bit, worth thanking for.  

IFG.

Today marks the end of my third Inter-Faculty Games, and perhaps the one that I enjoyed the most. Badminton is a game that I have been playing for more than half my life, and half of it being competitive and the only reason I played and trained was to win. It was not until university, or halfway through army, that I began to really enjoy the game, and not in so much of a competitive manner.

I have reached a point where I play the game not to win, but to enjoy every moment on court. Winning is a bonus, it is not everything that the game has to offer. Yes, I do get frustrated at times when I do not get certain shots right, but I have leant, too, to get over it quickly. The company that I play the game with was encouraging, and they will be among the most memorable bunch of friends I have made in NUS.

It was one good IFG.

I'm sorry, but could you please speak in a proper language?

Speaking in tongues has been one of the most controversial topics of discussion among Christians. Some churches claim that if a Christian doesn't speak in tongues, he or she isn't spiritual enough. They make it seem as though speaking in tongues is a must, and is part of being spiritual, and is also part of being a Christian. To be honest, I have not encountered anyone speaking or praying in tongues till very recently. 

What is speaking in tongues? In short, it is to speak in another language, possibly one that is not known to you. But in reality, what came across as speaking in 'tongues' was just a random murmur that I am not sure if anyone really spoke that as a language at all. It feels odd, sounds odd, and not in such a good way. Well, but who am I to judge if it's really the Holy Spirit at work? That's not the whole point of this post actually, because we are to small to fathom what God can do. 

The churches who place such a great emphasis on speaking in tongues seem to be missing the point, and it could be intimidating and misleading to a newcomer to church. In the New Testament, we find extensive talks about tongues, especially concentrated in 1 Corinthians 14. But with that in mind, we should also read chapters 12 and 13 to better understand the context and instructions that Paul was telling the early church in Corinth. Paul clearly indicated in the letter the significance of the gift of tongues and how should one view it. Not every Christian will receive the gift, but each of us is gifted by God in ways that are unique. For a church, the more urgent matters that should deserve way more energy and strength being put into are edifying fellow Christians and telling non-Christians about the gospel. Both aspects are grounded on the belief in Christ Jesus and his saving works on the cross. It is of less value if one could speak in tongues that no one could interpret, than to encourage a fellow Christian with an understandable language, and also of less value than telling a non-Christian about the gospel in an understandable language. 

As Christians, we have to be discerning and weigh out what is the more important thing to do, than to pray in tongues. Prayer is not a mindless activity, as much as you have received the "gift of tongues" by the Holy Spirit. 

losing.

If there's one thing that I could take away from today, it is that winning isn't everything. Losing the important matches and not making it to the semi-finals of another competition helped put things back into perspective and what I should truly seek after, instead of just wanting to get the top prize.

If I am convicted of the truth that Christ is sufficient, it will indeed be satisfying and easier to cope with loss. But I am not perfect and still working towards godliness and righteousness. Look forward, and look upward.

it is 1am and there are so many things to be thankful for. I am really glad that the discipleship circle thing in USP ministry is working out, and encouraged by the group of freshies who are so committed to meeting together to push each other on in Christ.

8am class in just a few hours!

another weekend gone.

Saturdays and Sundays are particularly precious days for me, not that the other days are not important or not considered important. They have a special place because those are the days that I can actually spend time with my parents and sis, and doing things I like but could not do while on campus. It is also the weekends that I can spend time away by myself to look back at the week past and the week to come.

There's a whole lot of things to think about in the week past, and it seems like things are getting harder with work starting to pile up and pieces to mend and put back together. My first ever case competition was over, and it did not end well. Was not quite expecting such rigour and sleeplessness from a business management case. Nonetheless, it was a good experience and gave me a good teaser of work life if I were to end up as a management consultant. Garden festival was pretty, but met with some unhappy encounters that soured the whole experience. Could be poor expectation management on my side. It was a tiring week, but more of such weeks to come. 

Expectation management on one other aspect of life has to be prayerfully and carefully sorted out too. Sometimes, when too many things go on at the same time, it gets overwhelming and I handle it in a very un-Christ-like manner. To me, I may perceive the whole situation in a particular manner. But to others whom I have talked to, they think otherwise, and usually much worse than it actually is. I really wished I could give them a peek of what I am thinking down in my heart, but only God knows what exactly is going on and he can see everything. Just hope and pray hard that I can try my best to explain, and be patient while waiting. 

It is truly not my own works or doings that things fall together, or apart, but God's. He is in sovereign control even if things do not work out the way we wanted. In all situations and for all things, give thanks, because I deserved nothing. Christ is all.

Time fleeting away,
Patience is gold, so is love.
Only God's unchanged. 

Swing.

Get into the mode, they say, but there are plenty of distractions (are they really disturbances?) that stand in the way. 

It's getting late into the night in the later part of my second week in school, and I am still up, trying to get work done, read and read some more. I just refuse to hit the sack and take a much needed break. I have been consistently getting less than six hours of sleep each night, and it is not really helping me to stay focused in the day. There are so many things that I want to do, yet time is scarce. I can't help but wish that I had more time to do what I want to do. I begin to question the way I prioritise and plan my time each day, as I work and toil through the heaps of words and mental stimuli.

Being surrounded by friends who aim to work for investment banks upon graduation makes me reconsider my plans on joining the civil service. The renumeration package for IBs is indeed attractive, with salary packages in the range of around at least eight grand for a fresh graduate. That is some serious payout, and it leaves little to imagination on the attractiveness of it. Well, with that comes loads of stress that could be avoided. But would that be a godly choice over other options that I have? And will it be the most Christ-centred decision I could make about my career path? It is easy for anyone to say that he or she will live for Christ, and end up with the higher-paying job with excuses to convince oneself that it was indeed a godly decision and it was God's plan. But was that said out of convenience? What really drives me and pushes me along in the way I think and plan?

It is good to consistently question our intentions in everything that we do. By asking ourselves the honest questions first and answering them, we can then be honest before others and before God. By thinking more deeply, it does help us in desiring to lead more Christ-centered lives and consider what it means to be godly, which is the very thing we are told to desire and strive towards. I am getting into the swing of the school term and surviving well, just hope that I will continue to question and challenge myself, for the sake of Christ. It makes the little steps towards spiritual maturity. 

Taking a step back.

The first week of lessons concluded week 1 of my third year in NUS. It was a tiring week with lessons and night trainings, the mind flooded with thoughts, while trying to get back into the swing of things. Unwinding a little at the end of the week over a couple of pints of malty ales, I reflected over the past week and thought about the many more to come. It was a helpful time to take time to breathe and clear the mind in the rush to nowhere, before things build up too much and it becomes too late.

There were times in the week that I have not really lived as I should, especially in the way I think and talk, even though I have tried to. The guilt of hypocrisy seeps in, making me feel terrible about that I have not done. The feeling sucks. It was brimming and screaming at me that I am indeed imperfect. It reminded me of who I am in flesh, and that even though sin has been conquered, it will be thoroughly destroyed when Christ comes again. If we could actually live out perfectly godly lives, Christ died for nothing. The key to godly Christ-centred living is not about trying hard to live it out, but acknowledging and living out the knowledge of what Christ has done. The motivation is Christ, not self-glorification. In a way, it is good to see that I am not perfect, but the response is not to go away beating my chest. It is to turn to Christ, rejoicing in what He has done even though I am undeserving, for we are undeserving.

To a good week 2, and the assignment due.

Gladness.

The gladness in the heart comes when you know of another person who shares the same thoughts (looks at the world in a similar way) as you do. Not the superficial "life is hard" kind, but at a much deeper level. Thank God for like-minded people who are placed around me whom I can turn to and talk about things, and being asked the hard questions (which is what gets me going). Yes, and if I do believe that Christ is all, I should live as such.

Checkpoint.

I am halfway through my university education and today marks the start of the second half of it. I am back in Cinnamon College, but it feels different. There are plenty of new faces around, most unfamiliar, and the friend that I usually meet for breakfasts has gone away.

Little did I expect to start the semester having a sleepless night, it was not in the plan at all. I am indeed sad that things turned out this way, not the way I wanted. I was filled with lots of jealousy and loss, not knowing what I should do next. The pain will take some time to go away, and I will grow stronger out of it. It was helpful that I put things back into perspective, with God's help on being patient and loving, and take the 'me' out of the picture for a moment. Sometimes, submitting to God's plan and will is hard for us. We cry and we make lots of noise because we don't see how that can be good. It is through struggles like this that we learn that it is really not about us, but who God is. Trusting in his sovereign will does not mean emotionless, it is knowing who he is and being able to move on from our hurt, pain and loss. Even though things did not work out now, there's still plenty to look forward to. Friends are precious too, especially close ones, and worth the every effort to keep and encourage.

Third year in uni, it will be a crazy crazy year. I'll have my first taste of double specialisation and learn to take it with a mindset not to self-glorify, but to glorify God. I'll be a lot more involved in the campus ministries I am in, taking up various roles that God has placed me in. I will be meeting with people to read the bible and regularly over lunch as well. And community group bible studies as well. Pray, too, if God wills, a partner to fight this fight of faith with, but remembering that Christ is above that.

To a penultimate year. Who knows, Christ might come again in just a bit.

A Singapore I love.

I am not sure what exactly constitutes a true blue Singaporean, but I think I am one.

I am born in Singapore, grew up here on this tiny little island in the Malay Peninsula. I spent the last 20+ years of my life here, experiencing and soaking in all the little bits and pieces of what it means to be a Singaporean. Over the last few years, with the advent of social media in particular, I have seen some of my peers and other Singaporeans (should I still call them that when it has become merely nominal?) that hurl insults at the PAP government, mostly senseless comments at what they should have done. It is not hard to understand why. It could be due to their unhappiness in certain aspects of their lives, or that their job has been taken away, or they wished they could have more wealth. It is due to their individual circumstances of the present day that they feel resentful against the party in power, which in fact, has an excellent track record of providing for the people.

Truth to be told, life in Singapore is not easy, but I do not think that I will choose any other place to call 'home'. As with most Singaporeans, I come from a middle class family, with parents not having received university education. I recall the days when my dad was in the police force and had to take on overnight duties, putting in extra effort and hours at work so that he could provide for the family. My mum left her job and stayed at home to make sure that everything went well. Every Chinese New Year, we gather for a feast, but that is one of the few times the whole family is around for a meal. My sis and I grew up in much fear of my parents. They were particularly strict in disciplining us. I am sure they thought it was good that we are well-disciplined. In school, I was frequently compared against my peers, both in the domain of sports and academic grades. My sister was a benchmark for me, one that I could never come close to. My parents' hours at work and nurturing us at home eventually allowed my sis and I to be enrolled into NUS to pursue a degree and become a graduate one day, so that we can have a job and lead a more comfortable life. It is sad to see them grow old, for they have grown old for us, yet happy that I still have them today.

Growing up in Singapore, I have learnt what it means to be content. Contentment is not about having all the material wants, because the chase after such things will never end. It is also not about having the perfect government that will satisfy everyone's needs and wants. Contentment is family and having a place that you can come back to anytime. The family that I hope to build in the future, if marriage and having a family is what God wills for me, is one that is intact, Christ-loving, loves each other and Singapore. It is the family unit that shapes how one grows up and the mindset that a person will have.

Singapore is a place I call home and hold dear to my heart. I can go away from Singapore for extended periods of time, but when I am away, there's always this longing to be back home. The familiar sights and smells of the city are fading away as we move along, and the Singapore now is no longer the same as the one I grew up knowing. One thing remains. My family is here, and Singapore is still home.

Happy 49th birthday, little red dot.

be thankful.

I am thankful for who I am today. I have my flaws. I am not the smarter one of my sister and I, my hair is thin, I have a persistent and recurring knee problem, I am not the best at doing what I am doing. I am a sinner, and I am still fighting sin everyday. Sometimes I manage to overcome it, but some other times I fail miserably. I have coveted for things that are not mine, I have gossiped, I have lusted. The I that I know is indeed problematic.

Yet the immeasurable riches of His grace poured out upon me. How is it possible that God, who was offended, gave Jesus as a propitiation so that I can be made right with Him. It doesn't make sense to my limited mind. Not a bit at all, none at all. I am thankful that Christ died for me because of God's love. Even though I was full of sin and not the best specimen of the human race, He called me to be His. It is the utter gratefulness and joy that brings me to me knees again and again in adoration of this beautiful Saviour.

Let this be fresh in my mind, and that it shape the way I live everyday.

Bring the cinnamon back!

For the fourth time, I am back in this block of joy and tears. Cinnamon college holds some good memories for me, along with some painful ones. Coming back here for my third year of studies in NUS, I have brought along with me a whole bag of mixed feelings. I am excited for school to start, regen to restart, the opportunities to share the gospel, yet there are a lot of things that I wish I had more time to resolve, or think that I could resolve if I had more time. The reality is here. Summer is over.

Living for Jesus

Over the last couple of days, I managed to spend time at a camp listening to God's word preached. It was just three talks and two bible studies. Prior to that, I have been reading Romans 3 and Colossians 1 over and over again. It is the accumulation of the load that pushed me to where I am now, for the first time in seven years since I became a Christian. 

Not once I was so humbled and broken down, thanking Jesus for what He has done. As much as it is one of joy, it is a reminder to only focus on Jesus and the implications of pre-destination and judgment on evangelism. There are things that I have been idolising of late, especially relationships and gaining approval of others. To live for Jesus, I have to stop doing these things, but to serve Christ alone and He is my only Master. 

Such love, how can it be. 

the space we need.

The extent of how much I have been blogging of late scares me, with the amount of stuff going through my mind and how I evaluate each thought. It is not exactly a bad thing, just that I am surprised with the level of brain activity going on.

I am not an extrovert, even though I can talk quite a fair bit in comfortable social situations when I am not under pressure. But after such bouts of extended conversations, I need plenty of time away on my own to settle down and let myself rest, away from the crowd and people. It usually happens at night after a long day. I need my space, and quite a lot of it sometimes. Given the choice, I would choose not to meet with too many people in a day. It can be just too overwhelming. I want to give my peers space as well, respect their time and not flood their schedules, however free they can be.

It works both ways and takes two hands to clap. Mutual understanding is important to properly understand the time space and to respect it. Some would try to dominate the schedules of others, squeezing and stretching every single bit of waking time out of their peers, giving convenient excuses for their clumsy awareness and keep pushing it. Even for couples engaged in a relationship, dating or married, it might be good to give each other some space at times as well, mutually agreeable of course. How can we look at this concept of giving space from a more Christ-centered perspective?

We all belong to God, all of our being belongs to God as well, even our time. We do not own the time that we have, even though we would like to think so, let alone the time that God has given to others. Thus, giving space to others is not merely respecting them, but it is a godly thing to do and respecting God that He is Lord over all. We might want to spend time with our loved ones, but treating their time as your own is selfish and not godly at all, putting God out of the picture. When a friend turns you down for a date, don't feel grumpy and think that he or she doesn't think well of you. Instead, be glad and thankful, that you can be loving and godly by giving them the space they probably need. It is important to draw these boundaries and protect the time that God has given.

tolerance.

I get angry and frustrated over the smallest comments that were perhaps unnecessary, by making some of such comments myself. It made me look petty, grumpy and unapproachable, which adds fuel to the anger. There is a reason I dislike electronic communication, especially text messaging, email, SMS or whatsapp. With electronic communication, save for Skype and voice calls, you take away emotions that can be found in speech when a person speaks using his or her voice, not fingers tapping on a screen. Emotions get replaced by yellow emoticons or colons and brackets. Do they really tell you how the other person is feeling? Besides, with electronic communication, you can choose to ignore, and the other person is either left hanging high and dry and wondering what was said wrongly, or he chooses to ignore as well. You don't get that when you talk face to face, people can't avoid but have to show it all. Misunderstandings will happen less frequently as well, as what you hear is substantiated by what you see–body language.

This beautiful humanly aspect of us is slowly but surely eroding away. It is a pity. We have to pay a price for convenience. There remains a reason why I still write letters to people who really matter to me, I can't write to everyone because I don't have that much time to do so and would not make sense because I don't have so much to tell some people. Letters mean more than emails, especially if the other end of the correspondence is in another place far from where I am. The handwriting tells a lot about how much effort a person puts in to pen the letter and possibly shows some of the emotions as well. It takes some skill to properly write a letter too. If you have a piece of paper, how much of it are you going to fill up, how are you going to fold it, how are you going to divide it?

It's hard to tolerate, very very hard, especially on busy days that I keep getting bothered by these little annoyances when all I want is for everything to run smoothly.

Singaporean in Singapore: The Role of Public Education System in Creating Our Identity

Compulsory public education in Singapore takes at least ten years to complete, from primary through secondary. Those are the greatly formative years of a child, and they contribute plenty to the creation of a national identity of sorts. It is a somewhat common memory that Singaporeans can relate to, even though each experience is unique. The ten years not only impart knowledge, but also teach us what is socially acceptable in Singapore by most Singaporeans who have been through this system. It trains us to be more socially apt, in ways that we are more sensitive to people who might be different. It creates the mainstream Singapore that you and I know. A Singaporean of the main system can tell right away if another is not from the same system almost right away, from the way he or she talks and thinks.

A friend of mine has been consistently making remarks that came across, to me, as jarring and inadequate. Certain comments were unnecessary, yet was thought of by that friend as perfectly normal. It was hard being tolerant and accepting such differences, because I would never expect a Singaporean to say such things or behave in this manner. There, I have to understand one key difference. That friend did not go through the same public education system as the people I know did. I used to consider myself different for having gone through 6 years of school without many Malay friends, coming from a Chinese Christian school followed by another Christian junior college. But there's an entirely different system out there that really sets this real minority group apart from the 'Singaporeans' we all know.

A Singaporean would not comment on the situation in Iraq by saying that "Muslims are killing Christians", but say "The Islamic State Troopers in Iraq are killing Christians". To just say the former is offensive and insensitive, but the latter puts the comment right back into context. The public education system forces us to learn about other races properly, tolerate with them by being sensitive. It is imbued into us without many of us even realising it.

A Singaporean identity? I would say it is sensitivity to other Singaporeans who don't look like us but behave just like us.

of a sore back and much indecisiveness

A couple of weeks before the semester begins, I am starting to take a more serious attitude towards my next 17 weeks. With the sore in my back lingering and keeping me awake at night, I can't help but to think about the modules I am considering to take. 5 or 6, ops or finance, maybe drop usp and do double spec, or stay on in usp and do double spec and do 24MCs for four semesters till I graduate? 

I don't think I was ever so indecisive when it comes to such matters, and it is pretty urgent given that bidding has started and will close in just a few days. At the crossroads, I don't know where to turn. For each one, I roughly know what I have in me to take it on, the pros and cons and what I might face. A sense of uneasiness remains due to the inherent uncertainty of what exactly will come for each option that I ultimately choose to take. 

Hope that I can remain calm enough to pray and make the right godly choice in the end. 

Jittery fear.

I'm scared, seriously scared. The last time I was diagnosed with dengue fever was some 9-ish ten years ago, and the feeling sucked. The high fever now won't subside and I have become a suspected case of dengue fever, again. The drugs are not doing their job and a blood test is scheduled on Friday if the fever does not subside by then.

Lord, help me to take joy even under such circumstances, and remember what Christ has done.

At the finish line.

This year's Tour de France saw plenty of upsets with riders crashing out in the initial stages. And just last night on the 15th stage of the tour, Jack Bauer from Garmin-Sharp lost his lead and a possible stage victory just 50m away from the finish line. He was found in tears on the road beside his bike after finishing the 222km long stage. I could relate to his pain in some ways, but not fully understanding the immensity of the disappointment he had. The feeling must have sucked big time.

But that was just a race and a stage victory at stake. In a race like this, you are not guaranteed of a victory even though it seems like you already have it in the bag for almost the whole race. Christians are in a different race altogether and we are constantly reminded to keep going till the end, if not we may risk being beaten at the finish line by sin. We are promised and guaranteed of a bigger prize than the pride of wearing the maillot jaune, which is eternal life in Christ with God, in his heavenly home.

Are you going to give up and let go of the inheritance right at the finish line and not going till the end? Will you want the eulogy at your funeral to be one that says "He did pretty well for the bulk of his Christian life, being faithful. But he gave up in the end and lost it all to sin." 2 Timothy 4:7 tells us that Paul has fought the good fight, that he has finished the race, and that he has kept the faith. Will you, as a Christian, be able to make such a statement at your end day?

Keep going, dear Christian warriors. Fight the good fight, finish the race, and keep the faith. It is going to be a hard fight, but worthwhile, and the victory is in your hands as long as you hold on.

Finding joy in Christ amidst the struggles.

It is stressful to live in a big modern city like Singapore and not hard to understand why. Everything around us is all about efficiency and excellence. Without either one you are deemed to be left behind. Singapore has well caught up with other trends too, with the advent of the internet, sin perpetuates what we see and hear and read. People around us start to dress suggestively, embracing that it is alright. Homosexuality perpetuates the society, condoning it and accepting it, even some Christians do. I face other struggles at home, on being respectful of my parents yet not accepting their pagan religions. With friends, I struggle with tolerating them. Struggle, struggle, struggles. It is such a struggle living in Singapore, on top of the struggles that I already face as a Christian. Maybe it is the latter that made me understand the struggles I am facing.

Why did I title this post giving the idea of joy even though I face so many struggles? Some people would say that they would rather give up than to fight on, for it is not worth it. And with that, they go back to their old ways as though they have never known Christ before. Where is the joy? I have to admit that even as a Christian, I do have thoughts of giving up sometimes. I am human with emotions built into me, and I have my down periods too. But the higher assurance that I have keeps me going. 

I believe that Christ died for my sins so that I can be reconciled to God. It is not because I deserve it that Christ had to die, but because I do not and did not deserve it, yet Christ died for me. Doesn't quite make sense because it seems a bit too good to be true. My joy is not found in earthly pleasures, though I know that they can keep me happy for temporary moments, like a good cup of coffee or a good meal, or even spending some time sharing with a friend and catching up. Some people may find temporal joy in other things, depending on what interests them. But these fleeting joys don't stay for good. We may fall back to our sorrow and struggles again soon after. Jesus promised true eternal joy to those who believe him.

To frame the concept of joy properly in our minds, we have to think out of the worldly ideas of joy, those that are not enduring. What we truly need is a right relationship with our creator, God. It is only when we are made right with him that we can be with him, back to the source of true joy. And the only way to be made right is by believing in Jesus! 

It is thus a sincere prayer to focus on Jesus, and the true joy promised. Not the little fleeting temporal joys that the world promise, for they fade away. Even in all the struggles and problems that we face, none of these things will take away any bit of the joy promised. Stand firm in Christ. 

the world around us

It is saddening and heartbreaking to hear of news after news of death of large numbers of people due to armed conflicts. The war in Gaza is a good case. And just last night, the shooting down of MH17 over Ukraine with a ground-to-air missile, killing all passengers and crew on board. My condolences goes to the victims whose lives have been claimed. The world around us is filled with such news everyday, where people kill other people, innocent or guilty. It is a world where human relationships are broken.

I pray for those whose loved ones have been lost in these tragedies. May God be with those affected.

Redemption.

A life once lost,
In darkness and death.
Cut off from God,
Cost of rebellion.
No hope of heaven,
Taste not of joy.

Holy Son of God,
Guiltless crucified.
A death undeserved,
For one undeserved race.
O what wondrous deed,
Such that we be saved.

No room for sin.

Finally back at home from work and totally worn from the 13-hour shift. It was a hard day at work, with the stress of having to face customers and always put on a smile, and fighting the temptation to sin.

While I kept myself occupied with some thoughts on my mind and trying to sort out why are things being done by certain people in a particular way, I was slowly being worn down by fatigue. When I get tired, I become grumpy and become inclined to behave and respond in an unpleasant manner.  I become not Christ-like at all. Does being tired give concession to behave as such? No, even though it is hard.

Fighting at work.

Slightly more than a month ago, I started working at one of the most 'hipster' coffee joints in Singapore. At that point, the only thing that drew me there was being able to work in a specialty coffee place under a Christian boss. Sounds good, doesn't it? The cafe culture is indeed growing in Singapore and I have learnt a great deal about coffee. Day by day, I start to realize that there's something about the hipster culture that makes it a constant battle against sin at work. The workplace has turned itself into a battlefield whenever I am on shift.

You see, somehow, hipsters love to dress in clothes that have either too little cloth such that their midriffs are exposed or become a tad too body-hugging, or too much cloth such that they are too baggy and the holes are greatly oversized, exposing more skin than a properly fitting set of clothes. In either case, it makes it particularly hard to tell myself to look away for the sake of purity. It becomes a lot worse when the place I work is where hipsters gather.

This was actually the least of challenges to my Christian life I expected at work. As much as it is hard, it is of utmost importance to strive towards holiness. Jesus warned of the sin of lust, and that if one eye causes you to sin, gouge it out. That is what we are expected. How about just steal a glance? No, for I do not know what will escalate from that and by no means will I tempt the devil. For the Christian ladies among us, I plead that you help your fellow brothers in Christ by covering as needed. Again, it is not only the woman's responsibility. Guys, if it causes you to stumble, it will be helpful to make it known to the ladies so that they know. It takes two hands to clap. Keep fighting.

Understanding the sovereignty of God and our helplessness

There are a million and one things that I struggle with day in and day out. I ask myself plenty of questions almost all the time, seeking to find the answers to each of the questions. I get worried about things happening around me, the people I know who have yet to hear of the gospel or received Christ, and about things that are going to happen. Once in a long while, I get so overwhelmed by them that I can't help but breakdown and hide away in a corner. I used to refuse to talk to anyone about it, for the fear of being looked upon as a person who can't handle himself properly. The me-centered way of living is painful, for I can never get out of my helplessness if I depend on my own strength. It was only after talking to close friends about it that I realize I am not the only one struggling with so many things. That was comforting. I am not alone.

Turning to the bible and reading it, both the Old and New Testaments, it just overflows with God's sovereignty. God is sovereign over creation and every of our emotions. He is King over everything. God is always with His people. Those who are with Him are not and will never be alone. A realization that I am helpless and need God is perhaps one of the best things that I know, and that the Christian life will be one that is hard but God is still with me is absolutely encouraging in keeping me going on in this struggle. Christian friends are placed around me for good reasons and relating to them has allowed me to understand that we are all in this together. These are the people who understand what I am going through and push me back in the right direction again.

A life showing conviction of faith in Christ is one that is assured of salvation and looking forward to the end day to be with Him again. Emotions are not wrong and not signs of weakness, but an indication that we are just humans. God is sovereign, and those who trust in Him are well taken care of.

The Problem of Lust

I am writing this post, about lust, not from the perspective of a person who has conquered lust for good and has stopped struggling with it. By God's grace, I am able to cope with it not through my own feeble strength. If I were to rely on myself, I would fail over and over again. Thanks be to God who has captured me by something that is far better than gratification of the flesh can provide.

Lust used to be something that controlled my life. I have fallen prey to it countless times, before I became a Christian and even after. To put it in a clearer manner, lust is referred to as "sexual immorality" in the bible. Lust is a sin because it puts the passion and desire to gratify the flesh before God, and God has made clear instructions to us how we should view sex. With our perverse intentions, we make what is meant to be enjoyed within a marriage something that draws us away from the glory of what Christ has done and into sin. In Matthew 5:28, "everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart". Lust goes beyond what the body does, it happens at the heart, which guides our actions.

It should come to a Christian, who has read the bible, fairly easily to understand the severity of the problem of lust. Paul tells us to flee from sexual immorality in both 1 Corinthians 6 and 1 Thessalonians 4. In Colossians, Paul tells the church to put sexual immorality to death. In other parts, even the Old Testament, lust and its related action, adultery, are condemned by God. It is not that God hates sex, but that He hates sin. The number of times the problem of sexual immorality is raised should be a good enough indicator of the seriousness of continuing in it.

The problem with the world today is that it adds fuel to the immense fire. We see sex everywhere, not in the way it is meant to be portrayed. Movies, TV serials, music videos and advertisements, more often than not, cheapen sex and convey the idea that you can have it with anyone and any time. Sex sells. Also, the connectedness of many people to the Internet adds to the prevalence of pornography and the ease of access. The worldly view is that sex is casual and chastity is an ancient concept no longer applicable. The bible's view, and rightly so the Christian's view, is that sex is beautiful and should be enjoyed within marriage with one partner, and chastity is to be held on to ever so tightly till the wedding day. If one is to be single for life, may that one be a virgin for life.

It is crucial for a Christian to view sex in the way the bible perceives it, which is the way God wants it. By understanding the intent, we would not perverse it. Besides, what is more attractive than lust? Lust gives you instant gratification, which dissipates in a matter of minutes, and coming back each time stronger than before. By the time you realise it is taking over your life, you have sunk deep into it. But that doesn't mean that it is the end of the world for you. It just means that it is time to wake up and turn to something that will truly satisfy you. You see, the bible tells us that we are all sinners, and we rightly deserve to die, and be cut off from God forever. In other words, when we die, we are really dead, for good. All hopes of going to heaven, where the world wants to end up in (save for some who insist they deserve hell) are dashed for good. No chance at all. But God, in His loving kindness, gave His one and only son, Jesus Christ. Why? So that he will go to the cross to die for our sins, paying the penalty even though He did no wrong! Did you get that? Christ, who did not deserve to die, died so that we can be made right. He conquered death once and for all by rising from the grave and joined God in heaven. But God did not do that for fun or to mock at our inability to help ourselves get back to Him. He did that so that all who believe in Jesus Christ can be counted right with him and get to heaven and enjoy eternal life! ETERNAL LIFE! NO MORE DEATH! That is the good news of the bible, it promises us a life that will not fade away like the gratification we get from lust. So look to Christ, look to Christ, not lust. When you truly believe in that, it doesn't mean that you will not struggle with lust any more. It means that you understand what you are truly living for, and your inclination will not be to lust. There are plenty other sins to pray for help to fight against, let not lust be the one that allows other sins to grow under the impression that lust is the only sin.

Keep going in Christ, keep fighting and believing.

Romans 6:1-11

What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it? Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life. 

For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his. We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one who has died has been set free from sin. Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has dominion over him. For the death he died he died to sin, once for all, but the life he lives he lives to God. So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.

Romans 6:1-11

May those who are in Christ remind themselves of their identity in Christ, and be committed to turn away from a life of continual sinning.

What is the gospel?

Just four words, "What is the gospel?"

I have to admit that even though I keep saying preach the gospel, preach the gospel, I feel as though I am saying it just out of convenience by using a familiar jargon commonly understood by other Christians. Often, as Christians, we tend to dilute the gospel and take things out of it, or add to the gospel by putting in things that do not belong. We have no excuse to do so out of convenience, or out of our desire to please other people. The bible constantly warns against people who preach not the one true gospel. Taking any part out or adding anything else to it is serious, and no one would be spared if they do so, not even angels or the apostles (Gal 1:8-9).

In Paul's letters to the churches, he constantly warns them of false teachers who preach a gospel that is not of Christ. Back in the first century, the Jewish leaders who kept the law insisted that Christ isn't enough, and Christians need to follow the Jewish laws as well in order to be counted righteous. Paul warns the Christians of these teachings and labelled them as "false teachings", and reminds the Christians to only follow the one true gospel. There is only one true gospel.

The gospel message is at the core of the Christian faith and shapes the entirety of our Christian lives, which are lived as a response to having received the gospel. What then, is the gospel? Trying to explain the gospel in its entirety will take some time, from talking about our sin to Christ's saving acts on the cross, from our very wretchedness to God's grace, and that we are counted righteous through faith in Christ Jesus alone. Despite its importance, Christians often lose sight of it and become more concerned with the peripheral rules and expectations. Paul Tripp, an American pastor and author, spoke in an interview on Theology Refreshed by Desiring God about preaching the gospel to yourself. According to him, it is essential for Christians to remind themselves again and again the gospel message, because that is what will shape the way they live as Christians, not living godly lives for the sake of it but as a right response to belief in the gospel. The gospel message is the foundation of godly Christian living.

The Gospel is called the ‘good news’ because it addresses the most serious problem that you and I have as human beings, and that problem is simply this: God is holy and He is just, and I’m not. And at the end of my life, I’m going to stand before a just and holy God, and I’ll be judged. And I’ll be judged either on the basis of my own righteousness – or lack of it – or the righteousness of another. The good news of the Gospel is that Jesus lived a life of perfect righteousness, of perfect obedience to God, not for His own well being but for His people. He has done for me what I couldn’t possibly do for myself. But not only has He lived that life of perfect obedience, He offered Himself as a perfect sacrifice to satisfy the justice and the righteousness of God.

Dr RC Sproul 

Being at the core, the gospel is and should be the key message for reaching out to non-Christians as well. Telling the gospel gives a complete picture about God's love and His grace even in our utter disobedience to Him. Therefore, it is vital for Christians to know what the gospel is, if not there is no way that we can talk about the gospel in entirety and truth.

Thankfully, many authors and publishers have helpfully put together some books and resources that will help us to understand the gospel and keep our eyes on it, by telling us the gospel message. Of course, the best read to understand the gospel is still the bible. Here are the links to some of the resources that you may find helpful. Go and hear the gospel.

1. 9marks Ministry
2. Ligonier Ministries
3. 2 ways to live
4. DesiringGod.org

The centrality of the gospel message

At church, newcomers are common, we get them every week. Once in a while, one of them will ask if he or she could join, or we would usually invite them to join us for lunch. I had one of the most heated (but still friendly) lunch discussions on Sunday, in between the end of service and the church AGM. We were talking and discussing about the role of church and how the church can/should/could show love.

The newcomer who came along was from the UK and attended St Helen's Bishopgate. He has been in London for close to 30 years, and I would think he has been with the church for quite a fair bit of time. He claimed that he didn't like his church in the UK, and didn't fancy St Ebb's either. I was pretty surprised because I know those two as good bible teaching churches in the UK. He preferred megachurches like NCC because he thought it was more 'lively' and like a 'church', whereas churches (The Crossing Church included) that focus on preaching the Word are boring and dull. To him, the gospel message and preaching the bible message clearly are good to have, but should not be the key focus of the church. Questions about "whether the pastor would visit an ill church member?", "would fellow church members attend to the needs of another church member even though it brings inconvenience?", or "does the church think that community work and serving the community by providing for its needs?" were thrown out at the lunch table. At this point, I was getting a bit uncomfortable. Does he really understand what a church's purpose is? What really is more important?

I sat down after getting home later at night to consider what was being poured out over the lunch conversation. That newcomer reflects very well who I was just three years ago. I have been a Christian for seven years, but for the most part of it, I didn't understand the meaning of a church and what its purpose should be. I insisted that a church must have a building, liturgies that people recite, good music, friendly people, care for my needs, do community work, and if the gospel is preached it will be good but it doesn't really matter. Looking back, I was so lost, very lost and misguided by my own poor understanding.

A church is a community of God's people who believe in the gospel of Jesus Christ. The gospel of Christ makes a church possible. It is only through Christ that the church can grow and love. The gospel message is at the very core of a church, and what the church members do is a response to the grace and love they received, spurring each other on in the Word. Thus, the motivation of what the church does is not to show love, but as a response to the fact that we have died with Christ and are raised with him in his resurrection. The best way for a church to show love is to preach Christ crucified for our sins, and those who believe are made alive in him in his resurrection.There is no greater love than that of God sending his own son to save sinners.

It can be good for a church to be lively, welcoming, caring and loving (in the worldly sense). But without the gospel and Jesus, it is nothing more than a social gathering of (good) people, or a mere charity.

Travelled.

Five days in Malaysia. It was a rewarding experience going around alone and with friends, even though the last couple of days were dreadful and only wanted to return to my tiny island home. Each time I go abroad for an extended period of time, I will take some time during and after the trip to sit down, think, reason and battle it out with myself, turn to the bible and talk to God.

On my first day, I dropped by CERC for a visit and joined them for their Sunday service. CERC is a sister church of The Crossing Church, set up roughly around the same time six years ago in the city of Kuala Lumpur. Thank God for having seen them through six years of struggle in a country and city that has not been the kindest to Christianity and its people. Hearing stories of people (a lot of them!) leaving when the gospel is preached faithfully was startling, at least to me, because it is a different situation here in Singapore. Lack of training for bible teachers, a hostile environment where persecution is prevalent, people leaving the church, the prosperity gospel, and church-goers who are not interested in the gospel are just some of the problems the church of Malaysia is currently facing.. Jesus Christ is what Christianity is about, the gospel at the very core of what we Christians believe in. To remove Jesus and to not preach the gospel is not being Christian at all. Choose Christ, choose life and live in God. Reject Christ, reject life and live in the devil. CERC is a church to pray for, and Malaysia is a country that needs the gospel.

I spent the next couple of days in Ipoh with Jerrine and her family + relatives. The few days were filled with thinking with quiet moments at night to read and pray, and good time that I could sit down chat with Jerrine. It was encouraging to hear from her how she learnt about the importance of the gospel over the last couple of years and drawing closer to Christ. It humbled me as well to treat with people respect, put aside my pride and rid of the holier-than-thou attitude. That was and still is important because it was never ever by my own doings that I hear of the gospel, so there is nothing that I could boast in but in Christ alone! I thank God for this close and dear friend who has been placed in my life, plenty to learn from and keep praying for, that she will continue in Christ till the very very end.

Penang, my fifth time there, but possibly the most dreadful one of all. Fell sick upon arrival, could not eat much (so no street food, urgh) and spent more time sleeping in bed than walking outside along the streets of the UNESCO buffer zone in Penang. I am glad I made this trip, seen a lot, learnt a lot, but incredibly worn out. I look forward to meeting the people that I have met again, but in the meantime, prayer will anchor how I relate to them.

Living the Cross-Centered Life

I had a hard and terrible time trying to fall asleep last night, it's been a while since I last had so much difficulty with that. Since my bookshelf's right beside my bed, I decided to read. It was a small book that I have read before, but the content was nothing small at all. It's "Living the Cross Centered Life" written by C.J. Mahaney.

It was a good read, one that points the reader to the bible and to think and reflect. I did not get past the third chapter, but it was enough to get me reflecting and thinking (at 3am!). Have I been living a life putting the cross in the core, or the cross is just something peripheral? What does the cross mean to myself and to everyone of us?

I spent a good bulk of the time that was supposed to be used for sleeping reading, reflecting and praying. Keeping the cross in the center of my life has not been an easy, and sometimes, I do lose sight of the cross in my actions and thoughts. I admit that by my own strength it will never be possible, but only through God alone.

Seven.

This blog is actually a space which charts out the way I think over the years. It's somewhat a personal space, but as with everything else on the Internet, nothing is really that personal and private. Until a few days ago, you actually would not be able to find it by running a Google search because of the settings I have made.

Why do I name this post 'Seven' and start by talking about this space? It has some significance to me, enough for a post to be titled this way. It was seven years ago in June 2007 that I received Christ as my Saviour and Lord. It has not been an easy journey given that I do not come from a Christian family and will likely to face rejection (which did really happen). Little snippets of my growth can be found on this space and in particular the way I write and think. Over the years, by God's grace, I have grown quite a fair bit in my maturity as a Christian and my mindset as a Christian student. Being able to express myself accurately (most of the time heh) and to be able read the Word is not by my own works but by God's grace alone. Being able to hear of the gospel and to receive Christ into my life was possibly the best thing that could have happened, and it is, without a hint of doubt, God's very grace. I live everyday reminding myself of who I was and am now, what Jesus Christ has done on the cross, and God's grace in having called me to be his own through his Son. Being able to speak of Him is simply pure joy.

Becoming and staying a Christian is a constant struggle, which the bible has clearly talked about. The bible did not promise a smooth sailing journey for Christians for the here and now, but it gives us good assurance of the hope that is to come because it is God's promise (and God keeps his promise)! I'd say that this struggle to keep going is not in vain, for we do have a hope in Christ if we keep going in Christ. I have grown through all these little struggles over the years, and more significantly in the last couple of years when I start reading the bible for myself and learning a lot more about God for who He is. It is a long journey of knowing God better, which I am glad that I have begun and still pressing on.

Seven years of struggles, seven years of grace. Thank You for calling me to be a child of yours, and Lord, I pray that by your mercy and grace, keep me going in Christ, till the day You return or when You call me home to be with You.

Social media, networks, and our real social life

Social media (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, tumblr, you get the idea) is sapping our real social life away. Bit by bit, we get hooked, and begin to spend hours each day trawling through our newsfeed, looking at what people we know have posted on their space, posting our little updates, photos, among all sorts of other things that people do on these websites.

Of late, apart from photos, I hardly post anything else on my Facebook wall. I do not see the need to post something that I grumble about, or basically to get attention of the people I know. It is a conscious effort to not post anything more, because I have got itchy fingers and I have a lot that I want to say. But I think that I have found other ways to say what I want to say, which is to talk to people, face to face or a call or a text conversation. Some may ask, what is the difference between that and just posting it on Facebook, aren't you still ultimately in some form of discussion with another person? Lots of difference. Plenty of it. The connection I get from relating to another person is unlike what socialising on Facebook is. It is more complex, more layered, more exciting, more authentic. It is just better.

During church camp last weekend, I asked one of my small group members if men could relate emotionally to other people properly, as how women could with much ease. He said that it is hard, but not impossible. Most evangelical Christians would probably agree that one of the most effective methods of telling a non-Christian about the gospel is through authentic personal relationships, where two or more people (in the context of small groups) know each other well enough. I am by no means saying that evangelistic rallies and purpose-planned events are not useful, but they are a bit like social media. You are throwing out seeds and see where they will land and sprout. Personal relationship is akin to planting just one seed, and purposefully take care of it so that it will bear fruit one day. Paul, in his letter to the church in Corinth, said this. "What then is Apollos? What is Paul? Servants through whom you believed, as the Lord assigned to each. I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth. He who plants and he who waters are one, and each will receive his wages according to his labor. For we are God's fellow workers. You are God's field, God's building." (1 Cor 3:5-9) Ultimately, God is the one who gives growth, and we are His willing servants. God works in the most mysterious ways that is beyond, way beyond, our comprehension. It is important for us to relate to people as we tell them about the gospel. We can all relate, men and women alike; it is a God-given ability for a good number of us. 

One of the biggest challenges for people my age (20-ish) is to keep our mind away from social media. As a Christian, I have found social media to take up more time than it should, when the time wasted could be better used to read the bible, to encourage a fellow Christian, to talk to a non-Christian about the gospel, and more importantly, to pray. We are all so connected, and perhaps not thinking about Facebook only when we are sleeping! However, social networks and social media is not all bad and nothing good. They are excellent tools to promote an evangelistic event, to gather people more easily, and perhaps give you a glimpse into the life of a person you know so you might be able to pray for or encourage the friend of yours. To me, do everything in moderation. I could have been obsessed with Facebook, and I totally regret having been so. It is not worth it at all.

So, social media for evangelism? Why not! Not my preferred method though. 

Travelling Alone.

Once every few years, I take a short trip away for Singapore by myself. In a couple of weeks, I will set off again to Malaysia, just up north of the lovely little island to visit friends. More of it, actually, is to give myself some space away from the hustle and bustle of the city state, and sit myself down to think about things.

It is a trip I look forward too, and hope I will be able to make the best of the 5 days.

Singapore-KL-Ipoh-Penang-Singapore. I'll most likely gorge myself silly.

Coping with death and understanding God's sovereignty

Death is morbid. We all die one day. Some will die by old age, some defeated by terminal illness, some in an accident, and some others take their own life. When our physical bodies stop working and return to dust, the world does not stop. The loved ones of the deceased mourn their death, if there are loved ones around. Coping with the death of a loved one is abstract and hard, and has probably been discussed and recorded countless times by people throughout human history. We read it in the bible, the news and hear from people we know. 

I have to say, even knowing that God is sovereign, death is not easy to cope with emotionally. Emotions are real and God-given, built into us so that we can express ourselves properly. In John 11, we read of the death of Lazarus. In that episode, Jesus wept because Lazarus was a person he loved, and Jesus trusted wholly in his Father's sovereignty even over death. Christians, who have received Christ as their Lord and Saviour, are promised of an eternal life beyond physical death. The penalty of sin is death (both physical and spiritual, the latter means to be cut off from God), and we all will die because we are all sinners. Jesus paid the penalty for sin by dying on the cross, so that we may be reconciled with God. And Jesus is the only way to be with God in his heavenly home. 

We all have to face death one day, and to cope with the death of loved ones. I cried hard when my grandfather passed away a few years back, not doubting God's sovereignty, but that he has not received Christ and acknowledging that I will not see him in heaven. A text from a friend today saying that she met with a near-fatal accident brought me to my knees and to the brink of tears, not that she has not received Christ, but the very thought of having to lose a close friend so dear to me is painful, even when I know that God is truly sovereign. Trusting in God's sovereignty even over death and being emotional about death are two concepts that can be perfectly reconciled, because of the very fact that God is sovereign and in control. We are under his reign. Thank You, God, for preserving her and her family to continue to do your works, till the day you have planned at the beginning of time to call them back home to be with you. May Your sovereign will be done, and I just could not thank You enough for Jesus Christ and His death, so that we can enjoy eternal life in You. 

Surrender, at the feet of Christ.

Ever since my days in the army, I've been reading, and it has been quite substantial given then number of books I've gone through in the last few years. The books can tell me about the bible, about Jesus Christ, but they are not the gospel. 

Finally, after some delay, I turned to the bible, reading it page by page, chapter by chapter, book by book. It was a long journey, but it was absolutely humbling. Given the books I have read, they were nothing like the bible. My mind just could not reconcile how the 66 books speak of Jesus Christ and God's sovereignty over so many centuries, and the authors are talking about the same story! If God was not consistent and ultimately sovereign, could the bible have ever been written with such consistency? Would Christ, then, be resurrected from the dead? All through out the bible, everything is about Jesus, he was there in the beginning, and he will be there till the end to judge. (Col 1, Rev 5)

I'm thankful for Christ, that he has died for me, and that I can be with this God, who is ever so sovereign. 

there is just so much going on right now.

Beaten by the world, redeemed by Your grace.

Life as a student in Singapore is not easy. I'm coming to the end of my second semester of my second year in uni. How have I been so far? Tired. I'm very tired. 

There is this bugging sense that someone out there wants you to excel in everything that you do, and to do as much as you can. The 'model student' idea creeps in, driving you to think that your CV defines who you are. Yes, to your employer, the CV will be what he or she will see first, even before meeting you in person. What goes into that document pretty much sums up where you stand among your peers. Grades, CCA involvement, leadership positions, work experience, skills, the list goes on. I did not start my uni life with the goal of having the best CV around, yet the way my schedule is packed now clearly screams otherwise. 

Leadership position? Check. CCA involvement? Check. Academic programmes? Check. Grades? Check. Community involvement? Check. Skills proficiency? Check. A good CV? Not bad, according to my friends. It is unsettling to me as I looked back. Am I secretly pursuing all these, as though they should really define who I am? I sincerely hope not. 

Over the past few weeks, I have been examining myself to consider what exactly defines me deep within. With tears, I remember what Christ has done and that it is all sufficient. The world measures me by what I achieve, but God accepts me because of what Christ has done. Nothing that I do makes me better in God's eyes, for that inheritance is promised only through Christ. I am humbled, utterly, by Your loving grace. Lord, help me to set my eyes upon you, and you alone. The journey home is hard and will be full of tribulations, temptations and persecution. It is in you that I am able to hope. It is through Jesus that I am saved. 

My Daily Commute

I've got a cute baby blue Brommie to spin around school, to and from lessons in business school back to utown. It's a joy to be on this little B. It's comfortable and has a good height, but I'm still getting used to the small 16-inch wheels going around corners and tighter bends.

I'm looking forward spending a few good thousand kilometres on this little baby.

Time of the year

To me, today's the last day of the Chinese New Year. I believe that it will be the same for many other Singaporeans as we all return to work tomorrow, after a long weekend of feasting and celebration. This year, things are slightly different. I have never been bogged down by or worried about deadlines since I first celebrated cny, and I had to this year. Perhaps it's because I am getting burnt out (at week 3) due to one heck load of all sorts of nonsense I'm involved in.

I am glad, though, to have spent a good weekend with my family and relatives. It's been a few good years since the passing of my dearly loved grandpa and things have been really different after that. New years are still full of fun and laughter, yet we all know that someone's not around and it is not like how it was before.

Learn to love, I was told. Love boldly, and profess it. Before it is all too late.

The Saddle–a long lost friend

It has been a good year on since the accident last year. It was traumatic, but part of me is really itching to get back on to the saddle and spin away, blitzing down the tarmac towards ECP. Have I not learnt how dangerous the roads are? Have I not learnt how much pain, inconvenience and worry I have brought to those around me? Should I not treasure my life that bit more?

Reflecting on how I have constantly been feeling, it's actually kinda like sin. We proclaim that we will not sin, yet every now and then we slip a bit. The difference is the assurance of salvation. We, being humans, love to tempt danger. Have we not learnt how painful it is to be mired in sin? Have we not learnt how dangerous sin is? Have we not learnt how much pain we have brought to God when we sin? Should we not treasure our salvation that bit more?

It's tempting, and it's hard to resist. I really want to get fitter on the bike. But, there is no way that it is going to happen, at least in the near future.

Year 2 Semester 2

God has been incredibly gracious for the past three semesters. He has allowed me to learn to grow in Him everyday, and toil through every moment remembering that Christ has died and risen so that we may be saved.

Tomorrow marks the start of my fourth semester in NUS. I'm excited to know that I'll be back in Cinnamon College for this semester after staying at home for the last. I hope that I'll be able to prioritise my time well, think about what is most important and put Christ first above achievements and grades, and in the centre of relationships with people.

Whatever comes, may Your will be done.