its been a week since ah gong left us. i know that i cant handle my emotions when such things happen, especially when it comes so fast. im not prepared for it at all. since last sunday, its been harder for me to go to sleep at night without thinking of my grandpa. 7months from diagnosis, now he's gone. who can i talk to about my pain? who is willing to really listen to me? i've never lost someone so dear to me before. although its Chinese New Year already, no one in my family would be in the mood to celebrate it.

thanks all who have been offering your prayers, who were there when i needed you. i really appreciate it. i need to pick myself up from all these, learn to take care of my grandma and my family and the people around me. being able to wake up in the morning and live till the end of each day is a victory. thank God for that. love the people around you, for they love you too.

meanwhile, happy chinese new year. have a blessed and prosperous year ahead.

Better Man-Robbie Williams
Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain

Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man

Go easy on my conscience
'Cause it's not my fault
I know I've been taught
To take the blame

Rest assured my angels
Will catch my tears
Walk me out of here
I'm in pain

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man

Once you've found that lover
You're homeward bound
Love is all around
Love is all around

I know some have fallen
On stony ground
But Love is all around

Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain

Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doin' all I can
To be a better man

as im typing this entry, all i can say is that things are not going well. my grandpa watched me grow up and took care of me throughout the whole my 19 years. though he didnt talk much, i knew he is really concerned about how im doing.

just last weekend, things took a turn for the worst. i need to brace myself for the worst to come. the doctor's prediction yesterday wasnt good at all, in fact its very terrible. chinese new year may be different this year for my family, relatives and i. less than 2 weeks to go? thats really a short time.

i dont know what should i do, or rather what can i do now. i'll put all my faith in prayer, and visit him as much as i can. seeing someone you love so much, and loves you as much as you love him surrender to death and fading away every second is painful. it hurts real deep. the 168km challenge will be for him.

as you read this post, i hope you can join me in prayer. help me to pray for him, i'll really appreciate it. i want to celebrate chinese new year this year with him.

finally time for another post.

lab life is still interesting so far, but looking at how the whole company works and the high staff turnover rate, its not such a nice place to work for life. im quite disgusted by how they run the company and they'll do anything to get the so called 'results'. shiane's gone, next will be joshua.

i love my new red M's with black iridium lens. that'll protect my eyes during the day cycling sessions, it has a Protection Factor of 3. if i wear that for night cycling(which i dont do) i'll be as good as blind. you need factor 1 or 0 to see properly at night.

for tomorrow, cycling training at 7am till probably around 11. then lunch at aston's and grandparents' place after that. the week ahead will be work plus prayer meeting on friday. on a side note, im quite confused with how the church categorize the youthzone. the oldest peeps in youthzone are 30+, and youngest are 19. busy week ahead i think.

and just for a laugh before a new week starts on the day after tomorrow, here's rowan atkinson.

time for another post!

im still coping well at a-star at the moment, though my workload has already increased by so many times since i started out last monday. loads of fun still to come, too bad joshua will be leaving so soon. shiane had her fair share of the fun at the level 6 lab since she's been there for like since last august.

well, i also had quite a special birthday celebration this year for my 19th, which was yesterday. the celebration this year is exceptionally long, idk why but its spread over one whole week, with different people. but so far, its been with....

SHELDON AND HIS GF at raffles city's din tai fung for dinner. a devil from das erzgebirge haus.

MY MENTOR, DR WU HONG, JOSHUA, SHIANE, SHAH at fusionopolis for lunch. one block of organic 70% dark chocolate from my mentor(suhaila).

MUSTcell at Spicy Lady for dinner at Liang Seah St. i dont really fancy steamboat outings but this is for the company and its a special occasion.

FAMILY. my sis got me a thumbdrive and 2 cakes from canele. dad got me the shimano 105 pedals and angbao. mum's treating me to pine court lunch on sunday. i got myself a new pair of white sidi t-2 shoes. now i have that and the blue shimanos, gonna try them out soon with the new pedals (: 168km should be easier this time round.

and today, i came home really really really surprised and very very very happy to find a new pair of road cycling shades! its the Limited Edition Oakley Lance Armstrong M Frame with hybrid lens which is not available in Singapore! idk where my sis got it but i love it very much (:

im having a good time now and the celebrations are not yet over. glad that its still alcohol-free up till now.

one word that i love: abstinence.

abstinence (from alcohol) is bliss. i can survive without alcohol, i feel good without it. but its okay to give in once in a long long while. its been 21 days since i last had an alcoholic drink.

attachment at a-star is good, i've survived my first week doing nothing much. work will come soon, and i'll be sent to attend animal-handling course. YRN on friday, dont even know what its for. hope it wont be boring. shiane's leaving in 2 weeks, joshua in 3. hope new students will come in so the lab wont be boring.

off for now, next post will be a few days later. have a good weekend.

finally found time to post.

today's the 3rd day of my attachment at a*star's institute of bioengineering and nanotechnology or ibn which is inside NANOS at Biopolis. its been fun so far, except for the super dry and boring 3 hour safety briefing on monday. my lab is probably the youngest lab in the whole of ibn, which is good! they're all fun people, and almost everyone knows my sister cos she worked there before, and in the same lab. my mentor's doing her phd project, so she has no time to attend to me for this week. my job will be reading paper after paper on iol and hydrogel, which are very bio. they deal with the eye, what else can i expect.

since i have nothing much to do other than reading and measuring contact angle, i have to find some fun around the lab. visit xiaxue's blog and stomp for a good laugh, train my mind by playing board games with shiane, and disturb the people who are free. 3 months will be a good long time to learn alot on bio and lab stuff, which is still greek to me. i must visit coffee culture one day, looks expensive. and lunch at holland v, holland drive, gm since they are all nearby, there's a free shuttle bus from nanos.

hope i'll continue to love my stay at ibn, and start on my project soon.

i've figured out.

a*star will be a fun place to work, but travelling there alone sucks my ez-link card dry.
i'll need to bring my own lunch if i want to be there for 3 months.
i need to save money like crazy.
because im only given $30+loads & heaps of exp per day.
i need to pay for my own travel expenses if the hk trip works out.
i need to pay for my own outings.
i need to sell off part of my guitar rig,
i only need a strat and les paul to be around. so the wah, distortion, chorus, power supply, pedalboard and the epiphone will all be leaving soon.
i need to train and gym for the 168km and ocbc 40km.
i need to run to build stamina.
i need to abstain from any form of OH. it kills my stamina
i need to get more sleep, so i wont fall sick again.
i need to think through before i do things.
i must think smart and work smart.
i need to find my way around.
i need to speak my mind.
i need you.
i need to find time for myself.
i need to walk around and take nice photos.
i need to calm myself down.
i need to stay happy and remain optimistic about what lies ahead.

IM IN A MESS, i think.

i've finally recovered fully from fever and headache from the past 2 days of 2010.
feeling good today, started the morning playing my gibson. still love the tone from it, but i really need a tube amp soon. by the way, i guess few of you have seen a naked les paul before, i mean a 'naked' guitar. i ripped out all the electronics from the epiphone les paul recently, and intend to put the new parts into it soon. need to sell the pedalboard and some pedals too.

i think that the epiphone still looks quite wicked even after more than 2 years since i bought it. needs an upgrade though, that should be done months ago.

From Gibson

From Gibson

From Gibson

From Gibson

i might be selling this guitar after upgrading it, so those who are interested in getting into electric guitar watch this space. and prepare about $900 (:

i'll be going for 168km bike rally.

thats all for the first post of 2010. have a good year ahead.