2 Months Later

It has been exactly two months since I begun my stint as an intern at Johnson & Johnson. Time just flew by, and I can't imagine how it'd be if it was a three-month summer internship, instead of six. Two months in, I am settled in, and thankful to be here. I have learnt plenty of new things about the medical industry, in particular surgical procedures and the equipment used. It has not been easy having to cope with an assault on my senses at the start, but I guess I have already gotten slightly desensitised to them.

It has been a good period of learning, reading, and growth too. SSBC, on Isaiah, and the last sermon series in church on Radical Discipleship have been greatly encouraging in pointing me towards Christ and what He has done, by exploring and digging deep into Scripture each time. Growth is always hard, and I am someone who learn things the hard way. Thank God for being so patient in seeing me through my weaknesses, and pushing me in the right direction with plenty of brothers and sisters in Christ around me.

Learning to lean on God in knowledge of His sovereignty has been and will continue to be a challenge, but I am comforted to know that He is the true constant in my life.

A Week Later

It has been a good week since the end of my last official assignment for the third year of uni. It's perhaps timely to pen/type down some of my thoughts, a week after.

The semester has not been an easy one. There was a whole string of different factors that made it tough. To start, I was officially on a 28 credit semester, with five modules and the field service project running concurrently. Even though some modules proved to be tougher than they were described, it could be largely attributed to the group mates I had. It is only this semester that I realise how fortunate I have been to be grouped with people, who eventually became good friends, and they could deliver results time after time. I guess all my luck ran out this semester with a group that I would never have wanted. It was hard work, and I had to put in extra hours than I should, because the split of work turned out to be imbalanced. Promises were not fulfilled because priorities were not in the right places.

On the bright side, everything else turned out to be much better! Squish was loads of fun, a module that I actually enjoyed a lot in USP, and I never thought I could do/understand something related to engineering. Consumer behaviour made me enjoy academic research on marketing, so much that I decided to start an Independent Study Module on it. Asian markets was enriching, and allowed me to appreciate how Asia is unique. Operations strategy exposed me to industries I never thought I might have an interest in, shipping and steel.

Apart from the academic pursuits, I have learnt to love God more. Preparing for bible studies is a daunting task, yet rewarding in many ways. I had to read deep into the passage, in its context, before I can properly guide someone along, let alone a group. It was tough and stressful thinking through James and asking the questions, to help myself learn so that I can help others learn. God has been gracious in helping me work through the two studies, and I am thoroughly humbled by that because I would not have done it by my own wisdom and understanding. I hope that this will be the start of something more in the future.

What's up next for me? Internship, ISM, and FSP, and perhaps one more module. All is good, because He is in control.

End of the penultimate year.

After submitting the final term report due in another 24h, I'll be officially done with my third year in university. Time flies, no? One semester after another, one batch after another, and now I'm next in line to graduate, class of 2016.

The end of each semester means something different to me each time. It has always been about growth, but in different ways. This semester, I have learnt, in particular, to love the people around me more. It is in my own little ways that I can serve the people around me. I prayed for them, spent time out with them, catch up with them and just being myself. I found that I derive joy by giving, more so than when I receive. After all, it is God who has loved me first and given me the capacity to love others. So, it is the only right response to love him more by loving other people more.

There goes, a little short reflection to end the second to last day of the semester. The next few months will be hectic, and I know it.

This little red dot on the map that I grew up in, I call it home.

It is a great privilege to be born and to grow up in Singapore. It's a modern city, organised, orderly, politically and economically stable. I'm given a chance to go to school, and subsequently pursue a degree at the National University of Singapore. It is a place that I hold dear to and love.

In the past weeks, the whole country seems to be slightly unsettled, after Mr Lee Kuan Yew was hospitalised for severe pneumonia. With each update from the Prime Minister's Office, things just do not have a bright outlook. The whole nation knew that the news was coming, but it is something most people did not want to hear. Mr Lee's condition worsened and deteriorated. Finally, he bade farewell to Singapore and the world yesterday morning. The nation mourns the passing of a well-respected person who has gave his life to build it up.

It is sad and emotional, having to come to terms that we have lost someone important to us. He may be remote, in the sense that we do not know him personally. With each obituary published, we get a glimpse of who this man really is. The more I read, the more grateful and appreciative I feel. Indeed, he may be an iron-fisted politician, and not all that he has done is right. After all, he is not immune to faults and errors. But it is also appropriate to also remember what he has contributed to Singapore. As George Yeo aptly puts it, just look around Singapore, and we will see how far we have all come. It is hard to hold back my tears as I read the papers, about what he has done and who he is. This man built this place I call home.

I served my two years of National Service in the Army, and I knew very well why I did what I was doing. I wanted to protect my nation, I wanted to keep my home safe. I entered university, so that I can learn more about how I can make Singapore a better place, because I did not want the country to fail in my generation's hands, making waste what the forefathers have built.

Mr Lee, you have lived a life that is worthy to be celebrated. It is with great thankfulness that I express my heartfelt appreciation. It will take time for us to take this in, and it will not be easy. The nation will remember you.



Thank you, Sir.

Crazy Busy, an addiction to busy-ness

The pile of assignments waiting to be cleared, the presentation waiting to be prepared, the slides waiting to designed. Yet here I am, typing away on my computer, for a new post on my blog. This post will not help me get work done, but I just have to get these thoughts down.

I have admit, I am addicted to busyness. I give the excuse that if I don't push myself to work harder, I will not know how much I can achieve. After AIESEC in my second year, I can't seem to slow down. It was six courses then, struggled a bit with the workload, but felt fine after that. And here I am, another six courses. It felt normal, and I will be too free if I just do five. I want to be occupied with work, lots of work. And it does not stop here.

Next semester, I will be away on an internship. Yes, a full time position at one of the biggest MNCs in the medical devices industry. At the same time, I will be completing my consultancy project, with an independent study project, and another weekend class or another research course. That will mean that my nights will be filled with work, and weekends filled with even more work. I am only protecting my Sunday to not be touched by work for church and family. But at this stage, that will be pretty impossible it seems. Sunday nights will be spent writing and preparing for more work.

It is hard to find a balance. When am I taking on too many things, and when am I not doing enough? Is it alright to be not doing enough? I wished it was as simple as you think it might be. Problems like this may seem elementary, but they are layered, complex, and multi-faceted. Where should I approach it from and how should I do it? I have laid out my plans, and it seems like the best possible plan. Am I taking on too much? Only time will tell, only time will tell.

I am glad, though, that I have not given up on things that matter to me.

Turning 24.

Four days ago, I turned twenty four.

I did not do anything particularly special for my birthday. There was no cake with a candle, no fancy meals, no huge celebrations, no birthday cards. Life went on as usual, I did not feel particularly happy nor sad. Attended classes in the morning and carried out my duties as a residential assistant, along with a meeting that lasted till late. It was, in fact, a peculiarly busy and long day for the second week of the semester.

Perhaps, I have come to learn over the years what is truly valuable. The urgency to tell people of the gospel, and the need to grow in maturity in Christ. Even though I am 24, I still have plenty of space to grow in Christ. Going with the cliché of making birthday wishes, I do have a couple of wishes. To grow in godliness, and be bold in telling people about the gospel. There are things that I think and consider about, such as praying and looking for a partner (God willing, of course), writing short essays to encourage Christians, meeting someone to read the bible with, and what I want to do after I graduate.

Turning 24, it marks a stage of life where I am somewhat caught in between. I have two more semesters left, and a senior in university. It is the time to plan and to make full use of before things change as I head out into the working world. So close to getting out, yet quite unsure if the working world is for me. But turning 24, I hope I will be wiser in making decisions.

Here's to a good and busy year ahead.

Thirst to win.

I've been skipping more, running more, doing more dips, doing more push ups, doing more crunches, eating healthier, and eating less. All of it to tone up the muscles, increase my stamina and lose some weight. It's been a very long while since I had this deep desire to win. I think it is a mixture of several factors. Largely because that there is a good chance of clinching gold, and partly to prove that I am on top of my game, at least among the colleges. But it's been quite a challenge coming to terms with that and to be honest, it does not feel good.

Hope that I'll be able to put things into perspective as the semester begins, and that I will carefully consider what matters most to me, beyond my uni life and gold medals.

Christmas, Christmas - time of the year

It's rainy, wet, cold, festive, celebratory, joyful, fearful, and a period of reflecting on the year past.

Sitting down at my semi-messy table, the best thing that has happened this year, that makes it a special one, was perhaps my baptism on Good Friday. It was a thought that I toyed with for a few years, but never quite had the courage to take that step and make a public proclamation of my faith, in the presence of friends, both believing and non-believing (to hear about the God that I am proclaiming). The dunking aside, it marks a milestone in my faith as a Christian for seven years (!), and there will be many more along the way to come, God willing. There have been occasions that I did not behave as a Christian should, even though I am trying hard. Godliness is a goal that I am constantly striving towards, it will be a hard journey, but one that God has promised and it is the only right response if I were to proclaim Him as my God.

Uni life has been fantastic, and packed full of activities, meeting new people, trying out new things and failing at some. There have been some points in the past 2.5 years in NUS that have been disappointing, but I am thoroughly thankful for where I am today that God has placed me. Biz, USP, Regen-the three most important parts of my uni life. At biz, I learn what I like. At USP, I am exposed to things I never thought I'd ever learn. At regen, possibly the best support from fellow Christians I have outside of church. There are plenty of things that I wished I had put more time in, instead of just wasting my time on unproductive and unhelpful stuff. 1.5/2 years left in NUS, it's perhaps not too late to think of and act on making better use of my time.

23 years old, and turning 24 in exactly a month. A possible third of my life has passed. There is still plenty in life and about Christ to learn, and to live. And the thing about getting a partner and marriage, it is still something that I am earnestly praying for.

2014, you've been a good one. Here's to another great year ahead.

Jude.

The letter from Jude is perhaps one of the shortest of the 66 books in the bible. Yet, in those few verses, it packs a punch. The reminder to contend for the gospel and its truth is compelling, and still very much relevant in today's context in Singapore. 

So far, over two Sundays at church, I have learnt heaps and been very encouraged by the sermons, not that I haven't been before that. For the sake of the gospel, it is of utmost importance and urgency to rebuke false teachers and throw false teaching out of the window, for they are no gospel and not about God. 

The reasons the false teachers give, especially regarding false teaching, may seem plausible at first. Upon probing and deeper examination, all the maggots and rotten insides get exposed. One common argument put forth by such groups is "What we preach does not really matter, what is most important is that we are brining people to God. Can't you see our church growing and new people accepting Christ?" But the implication of making that statement is that God's kingdom and church will grow through false teachings! What heresy! God's church is based on the gospel of Jesus Christ, not on the prosperity gospel, not a chance. The bible can't be clearer on that. 

Dear brothers and sister in Christ, for the sake of the gospel and the truth, fight, reject and cast out false teachings at all costs. Be discerning and loving, even though the latter can be very hard to do. Remember, it is for the sake of Jesus Christ. 

Accepting (perceived) Differences

Differences can be frustrating. Sometimes, I question why do certain groups of people not do things a particular way. Some other times, I hope they could change so that there will be less friction. But all the time, I am missing the point, as far as my concerns are, well, concerned. 

The focus on myself is essentially selfish, and putting what matters most out of the picture. What the bible says is true and should guide the way I think, and I could so easily point of the times where the latter has not been the case. Fundamentally speaking, we all gather because of what Christ has done. That's why we see the necessity to keep pushing each other on in the right direction. If that remains the same, I don't think the initial bitterness would surface. 

Perhaps I am just too cynical about everything, which might not be such a good thing sometimes. It is, at times, wiser to let go of my own selfish beliefs and take that 'bible snob' out, putting it to death. It's not only about head knowledge, as we always say. 

Of joy, and thankfulness.

"It's 2 o'clock", my laptop tells me in a matter-of-fact tone. Yes, it is 2 in the morning. 

I have been staying up late and messing with my sleep cycle, and it has affected me a fair bit. I'm clearly feeling the fatigue, and I still have to trudge through each day's duties. Those are, after all, my duties. There are some things that I still enjoy doing and will find time to do no matter how tired I am feeling and how terrible the week has been. 

All I want sometimes is to just spend an hour or two in the kitchen (yes, any kitchen!) and prepare a good meal for myself or an additional portion too. Food gathers people and it is possibly the best way too. It is through the people that God has placed around me that I am also encouraged to serve them and learn from them. And through which, I derive joy, knowing that all these come from God alone. 

This semester of uni has been one that's challenging for me, and the most tiring one to date. I think, however, that it happens to be the most meaningful one. Even though it can be hard to see certain things not working out and not going according to plan, and that it has been trying to get through each week, God has been particularly gracious as he has always been. For that, and what Christ has done, I am thankful. I do not deserve this, not a single bit.

I just need a couple of moments away, maybe just a couple more.

Conversations.

Good conversations go a long way, and they do good. I am grateful and in awe of the way God works. What was supposed to be a simple coffee break in the afternoon and introducing two friends to what I have been drinking turned out to be an intense (in a helpful way!) conversation about Christianity and its fundamentals.

It wasn't my first time talking about this topic, but it is the first time talking about this topic to people not from church or regen. It is refreshing to hear and discuss our views on praise and worship, speaking in tongues, and the purpose of certain things we do, among a lot of other things. It is encouraging to see fellow Christians here in USP taking plenty of joy in Christ, and thinking about things.

We can all say that we are Christians, yet each one of us differ in our stand on certain issues. Ultimately, it is Christ and what He has done that joins us as one family. It is because of our faith in Christ that brings us together. Points of disagreements prevail, but these are peripheral. It is ever so easy to put on that ivory tower mindset in the way we approach other Christians, thinking cynically about everyone else. Not only is that not helpful, it is sinful. Essentially, by doing so, one is putting Christ out of the picture. We are Christians, and we need Jesus as much as another Christian needs, and as much as a non-Christian needs.

I will keep asking questions, not in doubt that Christ is not enough, but to marvel at His greatness. They call it 'equipping'.

QUIDDITCH.

It's my third year, and I just had a good game of quidditch–an annual game where students gather to unwind and have fun as a USP community. It's tiring running around with a broom between my legs, but I don't think I have had so much fun in a long time. It was an excellent time playing alongside the juniors, seniors and batch mates, and a break from all the stress that has been steadily building up at quite a quick pace.

USP is one thing that I have been incredibly thankful for, and God has been showing me the community's need for the gospel, just as all of us do actually. In all honesty, trudging through each semester in USP is not easy–workload is heavy, content is alien, sleep is a luxury. Yet every now and then I am put into situations where the difficulties seem easier to manage. A good and growing Christian community that I can talk to, some of my closest friends in uni are in USP, and a bunch of very encouraging freshmen who are ever so enthusiastic about uni life. Lots of people out there do not understand the problems and troubles USP students face, and we are often labelled as being 'elitist' and 'arrogant'. It takes one to know one, and to know, one has to be in it.

One thing that I remind myself each day before I set out for class from Cinnamon College. "Be yourself, behave as God has instructed because you are now in Christ." Uni life may be hard, but God is still in control and it is, in every bit, worth thanking for.  

IFG.

Today marks the end of my third Inter-Faculty Games, and perhaps the one that I enjoyed the most. Badminton is a game that I have been playing for more than half my life, and half of it being competitive and the only reason I played and trained was to win. It was not until university, or halfway through army, that I began to really enjoy the game, and not in so much of a competitive manner.

I have reached a point where I play the game not to win, but to enjoy every moment on court. Winning is a bonus, it is not everything that the game has to offer. Yes, I do get frustrated at times when I do not get certain shots right, but I have leant, too, to get over it quickly. The company that I play the game with was encouraging, and they will be among the most memorable bunch of friends I have made in NUS.

It was one good IFG.

I'm sorry, but could you please speak in a proper language?

Speaking in tongues has been one of the most controversial topics of discussion among Christians. Some churches claim that if a Christian doesn't speak in tongues, he or she isn't spiritual enough. They make it seem as though speaking in tongues is a must, and is part of being spiritual, and is also part of being a Christian. To be honest, I have not encountered anyone speaking or praying in tongues till very recently. 

What is speaking in tongues? In short, it is to speak in another language, possibly one that is not known to you. But in reality, what came across as speaking in 'tongues' was just a random murmur that I am not sure if anyone really spoke that as a language at all. It feels odd, sounds odd, and not in such a good way. Well, but who am I to judge if it's really the Holy Spirit at work? That's not the whole point of this post actually, because we are to small to fathom what God can do. 

The churches who place such a great emphasis on speaking in tongues seem to be missing the point, and it could be intimidating and misleading to a newcomer to church. In the New Testament, we find extensive talks about tongues, especially concentrated in 1 Corinthians 14. But with that in mind, we should also read chapters 12 and 13 to better understand the context and instructions that Paul was telling the early church in Corinth. Paul clearly indicated in the letter the significance of the gift of tongues and how should one view it. Not every Christian will receive the gift, but each of us is gifted by God in ways that are unique. For a church, the more urgent matters that should deserve way more energy and strength being put into are edifying fellow Christians and telling non-Christians about the gospel. Both aspects are grounded on the belief in Christ Jesus and his saving works on the cross. It is of less value if one could speak in tongues that no one could interpret, than to encourage a fellow Christian with an understandable language, and also of less value than telling a non-Christian about the gospel in an understandable language. 

As Christians, we have to be discerning and weigh out what is the more important thing to do, than to pray in tongues. Prayer is not a mindless activity, as much as you have received the "gift of tongues" by the Holy Spirit. 

losing.

If there's one thing that I could take away from today, it is that winning isn't everything. Losing the important matches and not making it to the semi-finals of another competition helped put things back into perspective and what I should truly seek after, instead of just wanting to get the top prize.

If I am convicted of the truth that Christ is sufficient, it will indeed be satisfying and easier to cope with loss. But I am not perfect and still working towards godliness and righteousness. Look forward, and look upward.

it is 1am and there are so many things to be thankful for. I am really glad that the discipleship circle thing in USP ministry is working out, and encouraged by the group of freshies who are so committed to meeting together to push each other on in Christ.

8am class in just a few hours!

another weekend gone.

Saturdays and Sundays are particularly precious days for me, not that the other days are not important or not considered important. They have a special place because those are the days that I can actually spend time with my parents and sis, and doing things I like but could not do while on campus. It is also the weekends that I can spend time away by myself to look back at the week past and the week to come.

There's a whole lot of things to think about in the week past, and it seems like things are getting harder with work starting to pile up and pieces to mend and put back together. My first ever case competition was over, and it did not end well. Was not quite expecting such rigour and sleeplessness from a business management case. Nonetheless, it was a good experience and gave me a good teaser of work life if I were to end up as a management consultant. Garden festival was pretty, but met with some unhappy encounters that soured the whole experience. Could be poor expectation management on my side. It was a tiring week, but more of such weeks to come. 

Expectation management on one other aspect of life has to be prayerfully and carefully sorted out too. Sometimes, when too many things go on at the same time, it gets overwhelming and I handle it in a very un-Christ-like manner. To me, I may perceive the whole situation in a particular manner. But to others whom I have talked to, they think otherwise, and usually much worse than it actually is. I really wished I could give them a peek of what I am thinking down in my heart, but only God knows what exactly is going on and he can see everything. Just hope and pray hard that I can try my best to explain, and be patient while waiting. 

It is truly not my own works or doings that things fall together, or apart, but God's. He is in sovereign control even if things do not work out the way we wanted. In all situations and for all things, give thanks, because I deserved nothing. Christ is all.

Time fleeting away,
Patience is gold, so is love.
Only God's unchanged. 

Swing.

Get into the mode, they say, but there are plenty of distractions (are they really disturbances?) that stand in the way. 

It's getting late into the night in the later part of my second week in school, and I am still up, trying to get work done, read and read some more. I just refuse to hit the sack and take a much needed break. I have been consistently getting less than six hours of sleep each night, and it is not really helping me to stay focused in the day. There are so many things that I want to do, yet time is scarce. I can't help but wish that I had more time to do what I want to do. I begin to question the way I prioritise and plan my time each day, as I work and toil through the heaps of words and mental stimuli.

Being surrounded by friends who aim to work for investment banks upon graduation makes me reconsider my plans on joining the civil service. The renumeration package for IBs is indeed attractive, with salary packages in the range of around at least eight grand for a fresh graduate. That is some serious payout, and it leaves little to imagination on the attractiveness of it. Well, with that comes loads of stress that could be avoided. But would that be a godly choice over other options that I have? And will it be the most Christ-centred decision I could make about my career path? It is easy for anyone to say that he or she will live for Christ, and end up with the higher-paying job with excuses to convince oneself that it was indeed a godly decision and it was God's plan. But was that said out of convenience? What really drives me and pushes me along in the way I think and plan?

It is good to consistently question our intentions in everything that we do. By asking ourselves the honest questions first and answering them, we can then be honest before others and before God. By thinking more deeply, it does help us in desiring to lead more Christ-centered lives and consider what it means to be godly, which is the very thing we are told to desire and strive towards. I am getting into the swing of the school term and surviving well, just hope that I will continue to question and challenge myself, for the sake of Christ. It makes the little steps towards spiritual maturity.