chorus pedal and les paul upgrade kit arrived yesterday. early christmas, but im not that excited about the new things actually. getting sick of playing guitar, i even had the thought of selling all the guitar stuff i have. that includes the john mayer strat and my gibson and the amp and the pedals. should get a good sum of money if i can sell everything.

play for worship team? maybe.

right now i just feel cheated of many things. take care of you? i doubt i have the chance to. its like i've been waiting, and waiting, then it just stops without even starting. put so much effort into trying to get things right but it just doesnt work for me. terrible feeling. maybe it'll be good to review what i've done wrongly, but i dont think i did anything thats so out-of-this-world-wrong that im bearing the full consequences of it. total rubbish. nothing is fair, how true. i need a good break from all these, its torturing me in all ways-emotionally, mentally, physically. hopefully i can get things ironed out soon, and get out of this mess. if not i'll just sink further in, and obviously, it wont do anyone good. i just need you to understand. k i'll stop here, before i get questioned for what's going on. more people read this space than i think.

most of my scholar friends should be back home today. tinge of sadness. really hope to see them soon.