Coping with death and understanding God's sovereignty

Death is morbid. We all die one day. Some will die by old age, some defeated by terminal illness, some in an accident, and some others take their own life. When our physical bodies stop working and return to dust, the world does not stop. The loved ones of the deceased mourn their death, if there are loved ones around. Coping with the death of a loved one is abstract and hard, and has probably been discussed and recorded countless times by people throughout human history. We read it in the bible, the news and hear from people we know. 

I have to say, even knowing that God is sovereign, death is not easy to cope with emotionally. Emotions are real and God-given, built into us so that we can express ourselves properly. In John 11, we read of the death of Lazarus. In that episode, Jesus wept because Lazarus was a person he loved, and Jesus trusted wholly in his Father's sovereignty even over death. Christians, who have received Christ as their Lord and Saviour, are promised of an eternal life beyond physical death. The penalty of sin is death (both physical and spiritual, the latter means to be cut off from God), and we all will die because we are all sinners. Jesus paid the penalty for sin by dying on the cross, so that we may be reconciled with God. And Jesus is the only way to be with God in his heavenly home. 

We all have to face death one day, and to cope with the death of loved ones. I cried hard when my grandfather passed away a few years back, not doubting God's sovereignty, but that he has not received Christ and acknowledging that I will not see him in heaven. A text from a friend today saying that she met with a near-fatal accident brought me to my knees and to the brink of tears, not that she has not received Christ, but the very thought of having to lose a close friend so dear to me is painful, even when I know that God is truly sovereign. Trusting in God's sovereignty even over death and being emotional about death are two concepts that can be perfectly reconciled, because of the very fact that God is sovereign and in control. We are under his reign. Thank You, God, for preserving her and her family to continue to do your works, till the day you have planned at the beginning of time to call them back home to be with you. May Your sovereign will be done, and I just could not thank You enough for Jesus Christ and His death, so that we can enjoy eternal life in You. 

Surrender, at the feet of Christ.

Ever since my days in the army, I've been reading, and it has been quite substantial given then number of books I've gone through in the last few years. The books can tell me about the bible, about Jesus Christ, but they are not the gospel. 

Finally, after some delay, I turned to the bible, reading it page by page, chapter by chapter, book by book. It was a long journey, but it was absolutely humbling. Given the books I have read, they were nothing like the bible. My mind just could not reconcile how the 66 books speak of Jesus Christ and God's sovereignty over so many centuries, and the authors are talking about the same story! If God was not consistent and ultimately sovereign, could the bible have ever been written with such consistency? Would Christ, then, be resurrected from the dead? All through out the bible, everything is about Jesus, he was there in the beginning, and he will be there till the end to judge. (Col 1, Rev 5)

I'm thankful for Christ, that he has died for me, and that I can be with this God, who is ever so sovereign. 

there is just so much going on right now.

Beaten by the world, redeemed by Your grace.

Life as a student in Singapore is not easy. I'm coming to the end of my second semester of my second year in uni. How have I been so far? Tired. I'm very tired. 

There is this bugging sense that someone out there wants you to excel in everything that you do, and to do as much as you can. The 'model student' idea creeps in, driving you to think that your CV defines who you are. Yes, to your employer, the CV will be what he or she will see first, even before meeting you in person. What goes into that document pretty much sums up where you stand among your peers. Grades, CCA involvement, leadership positions, work experience, skills, the list goes on. I did not start my uni life with the goal of having the best CV around, yet the way my schedule is packed now clearly screams otherwise. 

Leadership position? Check. CCA involvement? Check. Academic programmes? Check. Grades? Check. Community involvement? Check. Skills proficiency? Check. A good CV? Not bad, according to my friends. It is unsettling to me as I looked back. Am I secretly pursuing all these, as though they should really define who I am? I sincerely hope not. 

Over the past few weeks, I have been examining myself to consider what exactly defines me deep within. With tears, I remember what Christ has done and that it is all sufficient. The world measures me by what I achieve, but God accepts me because of what Christ has done. Nothing that I do makes me better in God's eyes, for that inheritance is promised only through Christ. I am humbled, utterly, by Your loving grace. Lord, help me to set my eyes upon you, and you alone. The journey home is hard and will be full of tribulations, temptations and persecution. It is in you that I am able to hope. It is through Jesus that I am saved. 

My Daily Commute

I've got a cute baby blue Brommie to spin around school, to and from lessons in business school back to utown. It's a joy to be on this little B. It's comfortable and has a good height, but I'm still getting used to the small 16-inch wheels going around corners and tighter bends.

I'm looking forward spending a few good thousand kilometres on this little baby.

Time of the year

To me, today's the last day of the Chinese New Year. I believe that it will be the same for many other Singaporeans as we all return to work tomorrow, after a long weekend of feasting and celebration. This year, things are slightly different. I have never been bogged down by or worried about deadlines since I first celebrated cny, and I had to this year. Perhaps it's because I am getting burnt out (at week 3) due to one heck load of all sorts of nonsense I'm involved in.

I am glad, though, to have spent a good weekend with my family and relatives. It's been a few good years since the passing of my dearly loved grandpa and things have been really different after that. New years are still full of fun and laughter, yet we all know that someone's not around and it is not like how it was before.

Learn to love, I was told. Love boldly, and profess it. Before it is all too late.

The Saddle–a long lost friend

It has been a good year on since the accident last year. It was traumatic, but part of me is really itching to get back on to the saddle and spin away, blitzing down the tarmac towards ECP. Have I not learnt how dangerous the roads are? Have I not learnt how much pain, inconvenience and worry I have brought to those around me? Should I not treasure my life that bit more?

Reflecting on how I have constantly been feeling, it's actually kinda like sin. We proclaim that we will not sin, yet every now and then we slip a bit. The difference is the assurance of salvation. We, being humans, love to tempt danger. Have we not learnt how painful it is to be mired in sin? Have we not learnt how dangerous sin is? Have we not learnt how much pain we have brought to God when we sin? Should we not treasure our salvation that bit more?

It's tempting, and it's hard to resist. I really want to get fitter on the bike. But, there is no way that it is going to happen, at least in the near future.

Year 2 Semester 2

God has been incredibly gracious for the past three semesters. He has allowed me to learn to grow in Him everyday, and toil through every moment remembering that Christ has died and risen so that we may be saved.

Tomorrow marks the start of my fourth semester in NUS. I'm excited to know that I'll be back in Cinnamon College for this semester after staying at home for the last. I hope that I'll be able to prioritise my time well, think about what is most important and put Christ first above achievements and grades, and in the centre of relationships with people.

Whatever comes, may Your will be done.