Finding myself in a place that makes it hard.

I do not consider myself to be a mature or good Christian. I did not grow up in a Christian family, neither do I have many Christian relatives. I barely knew anything about Christianity, not that I know plenty of what it means right now. Raised in a family where there's a trace of violence, I did not even dare to tell someone how I feel. To avoid being at the receiving end of flying objects, all I had to do was to hide and keep quiet and work very hard to produce results. It wasn't an easy time growing up. I didn't make any close friends, I was confined to a place where I live, but do not really love. I'm afraid to voice out, because I'm hardly given any chances to. I keep everything to myself, and once in a while it becomes unbearable and everything starts to spew out. Then it starts again. Things often look fine on the outside, but it is just a veil that hides away all the brokenness, emotions, hurt, and fear. I still live in the shadow of my past up till this day.

A few years back in secondary school, I heard about this man called Jesus. He came to save us from our sins. I recall the song that sings "Broken hearts, broken lives, He will take them all". How great a God he is, no? I took the plunge. I confessed my sins, I recognized this God who is willing to take me in, I said that I am going to believe in Him and trust Him and lift all my troubles and worries up to Him. It was short-lived. I could easily point out many factors to explain it, but there are two main ones. My parents, even though they said that it was okay, did not give their full approval. All they do was just to stop me from attending services. It was hard for me to even get out of the house. The group that I joined, one that I thought was how a church should be like all the while, did not talk much more than living a life as a morally righteous person, in the eyes of the world as people-pleasers. The word of God was just secondary, if existent at all, wasn't expounded clearly. I did not grow much, I'm only as mature as I was when I recognized this saviour by the name of Jesus. I was not content with what I have, with how I'm doing, I do things for the sake of my parents, for the sake of myself, for the sake of pleasing others. I didn't know who is my ultimate master. I was lost.

A couple of years ago, I got into a relationship that I thought would eventually lead to marriage. It was all rosy in the beginning, everything seemed fine by worldly standards. I started to read more and learn more about Jesus and God's works. I'm still me, I did not manage to step out of my shadow in a new life. I dragged her down with me. I thought I had found a person that I could confide in, but I wasn't able to put aside my past and trust anyone. I don't even trust myself. I became so consistently inconsistent that I can't even recognize myself. Who am I, really? Trying so hard to trust myself and to rely on another person was the biggest mistake I had ever made in my life. I'm still bearing the consequences of my own mistakes, and I have inflicted hurt on and breached the trust of someone I love. Everything has fallen back onto me and crushed me. I found out that it is hard to love. It is not a feeling. It is an action, and the motivation stems from within us. Selfishness never ends in anything good. If it seems good, it's temporary.

I was in a terrible state for the past few days. I had no motivation to do much. I have to find out who I really am before I cause any further hurt and learn to truly love, and before I could even tell anyone about God's works with a true and sincere heart and mind. I took time to read the Word, about God's works, about His redeeming work on the cross, about how much he cares about all sinners, about who we are called to be if we believe in Him. His love and righteousness goes out to all, Jews and Gentiles alike, because we have all sinned. I fell, and I cried really hard. It was a cry that calls out to God for help, in recognition of my wretched state and my need of a redeemer. I was helpless, torn, broken down and totally exposed before God. It is such an impossible love by any human standards, but it is possible with God. He is a God who calls us to be His own, who seeks to reconcile us to Him.

I am by no measure worthy at all to even hear of His word. I lied, I idolized human relationships, making trust in another person the most important thing of my life. Yet He has called me to turn back from my ways and to be His. I'm thankful and filled with humility, wanting to seek Him wholeheartedly. But, where do I start? Am I about to fall back into the shadows of my past again? How do I step out of it with courage?

All I can do right now is to pray in distress. If I take things into my hands again, it isn't actually myself who is in control, but Satan is. It is tempting to take the wider gate, because it is the easier way out and the whole world is doing it. I want to take the narrow gate even though it is the tougher route, but it is the one that leads to life. There will be persecution, I will face trouble, even from my parents and relatives if I choose to follow Christ. It will be a hard time ahead, and maybe being away from home will be a good time to learn. I still have to face it, running away is not a solution. I have tried to escape the realities of life, only to find myself tossed back to a position that is worse than before, in utter hurt and emotional breakdown.

~

To anyone who reads this, I seek your sincere prayers to this God who protects, strengthens, promises eternal life. It is not because of what I do that draws me closer, but because of the very fact that Jesus has already died and was raised to life again. I do not know what lies ahead, I do not know where will I be heading towards. All I know, and the most important of all, is that Jesus died for me. Lord, may you shape me to be the man you want me to be, for I am yours. Even if what it takes is anything drastic and painful, I am willing to take it up. For I know my strength lies not in myself, but in Your very glory, and that You are with me.

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."  John 3:16

He is a God who transforms is by giving us a new life, one that is eternal.
  

God's New Community. (Part 1)

Let me start by asking a question. What is a church?


Is this a church?
 


That isn't a church, it is a building where a church gathers.


It is important that we, as Christians, use the word 'church' correctly. Some people used it of the building where we meet on Sundays; they said 'Let's meet at the church.' Others meant the large meeting room in the from of that building building when standing in a back hall they said, 'Let's go through to the church.' While some talked about the Anglican/Methodist/Catholic church, they are referring to the denomination, while someone else talked of the church in this country, they are referring to all the denominations and independent churches together. Neither is church referring to the main Sunday meetings! So, what is a church?


Church refers to people who believe in Jesus Christ. Many people, Christians or not, like to question why we as Christians had to go to church. More often than not, the outcome would be something like, 'You do't have to, but you'd want to; it'd be good for you to grow as a Christian. It seems like the church becomes a place that can help us grow as Christians, so it is important, but not vital. It is something that we want to be part of because it is good for us.


In 1 Peter 2:4-5, Peter wrote "As you come to him, the living Stone —rejected by humans but chosen by God and precious to him— you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house". The Stone used by Peter refers to none other than our LORD Jesus Christ. As we come to Jesus, we trust in him. In verse 6, with reference to the book of Isaiah, Peter tells us about the precious cornerstone that God has placed in Zion. To those who trust in Jesus, He is precious. But to others who do not trust in Jesus, He isn't precious to them. 


In the Old Testament, yes, the temple is the Holy House of God, where God was said to live in. But in this verse, we are told that we are being built into a spiritual house. We, by believing in Jesus Christ, are being built into a temple, where God will live in. Isn't that amazing? Because we believe in Jesus Christ, that is why God lives in us. And this very statement will entail many other things. 


One of which is in line with what I'm talking about in this post. If we say that we go to a church (referring to the building) because that is where God lives, aren't we trying to imply that if we do not go to the building, God is not in us. Then where are we putting Jesus? We pray in the name of Jesus, we want to do everything for Jesus because he died for our sins even before we were born, and do so many other things for Jesus, but forget about what He has actually done for those who truly trust in Him. 


When we accept Christ into our lives, what we are saying is that we trust in Jesus and because of that, we are being built by God into His temple, where He will reside in. We have become a part of God.


Because of the very fact of that, what then do we go to church for? Do we go for the message, or the songs, or the people whom we can talk to? God did not create us as Christians to think only of ourselves, but to relate to other Christians in a community. In Acts, it is clear that Christ has to be the in the center and is the core of what a church is. The people broke bread because they are doing what Christ has told them to do in remembrance of Him. 


It is vital that we know why we go to church. It is not about how we will benefit as individuals.   

Elora.

God is light.

Fight the good fight of faith.

But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses. I charge you in the presence of God, who gives life to all things, and of Christ Jesus, who in his testimony before Pontius Pilate made the good confession, to keep the commandment unstained and free from reproach until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, which he will display at the proper time—he who is the blessed and only Sovereign, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone has immortality, who dwells in unapproachable light, whom no one has ever seen or can see. To him be honor and eternal dominion. Amen. 1 Timothy 6:11-16.

The Faith of a Centurion When he had entered Capernaum, a centurion came forward to him, appealing to him, “Lord, my servant is lying paralyzed at home, suffering terribly.” And he said to him, “I will come and heal him.” But the centurion replied, “Lord, I am not worthy to have you come under my roof, but only say the word, and my servant will be healed. For I too am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. And I say to one, ‘Go,’ and he goes, and to another, ‘Come,’ and he comes, and to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.” When Jesus heard this, he marveled and said to those who followed him, “Truly, I tell you, with no one in Israel have I found such faith. I tell you, many will come from east and west and recline at table with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven, while the sons of the kingdom will be thrown into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.” And to the centurion Jesus said, “Go; let it be done for you as you have believed.” And the servant was healed at that very moment. What a great calling, and all we have to do is just to believe in Jesus wholeheartedly. Jesus matters more than anything else.

Grace.

It has been a great but short 3 weeks at Day Rehab Centre, or DRC for short. Thank God for such a good working environment and the really hospitable and warm team of staff at the centre.

May God continue to watch over them, and that they may continue to serve the patients to the best of their abilities. Our God is a good God.

The Greatest Party.

What is the greatest and grandest party have you been to? Is it a "wedding of the century" of some celebrity, or is it that the food served is worth your month's pay? Could it be that there is even one banquet that is even grander and greater than the one you have attended? The answer is, yes.

"On this mountain the LORD of hosts will make for all peoples
a feast of rich food, a feast of well-aged wine,
of rich food full of marrow, of aged wine well refined.
And he will swallow up on this mountain
the covering that is cast over all peoples,
the veil that is spread over all nations.
He will swallow up death forever;
and the LORD God will wipe away tears from all faces,
and the reproach of his people will take away from all the earth,
for the LORD has spoken.
It will be said on that day,
"Behold, this is our God; we have waited for him, that he might save us.
This is the LORD; we have waited for him;
let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation."" -Isaiah 25:6-9

Then you might be thinking of how much you'd have to pay to get to the party, or is there a dress code or that you might have to be exceptionally popular and famous. The answer is, no.

What do we actually need so that we can attend this banquet? Faith. Trust. We need to believe and accept the invitation. Is is such a great promise and a good deal that God is offering us, He is calling out to us to be with Him. Turn away from your sins, and look to God. Recognize His glory and His wonder, stand in awe of His power and majesty. He loves you, as how a father would love his children. His invitation is more than just food and wine. It is an invitation to be His children, and He has sacrificed Jesus Christ his son to redeem us of our sins and the eternal death that comes along with it. We are assured of salvation if we seek Him. He is a God, a good God who promises and never fails. What then are we waiting for? He has already extended the invitation to His great banquet in heaven!

Truth.

There is no other truth besides the Bible. We are sure of that.