5 days of flipping around in bed, sleeping uncomfortably for hours and waking up to find that the virus is still going strong has taken a toll on me. I've yet to learn to take care of myself, when I thought otherwise.

Retrieved.

Recently, I was overwhelmed with the thought of how much I think I can go with my own strength. A part of me wants to be humble and seek, another wants to show the world that I can do with what I have. It was a hard battle, even though the truth is the way to go. You can never put darkness and light together, you have to choose one. That is the order created right from the very beginning, and it was good.

This time I managed to conquer, not with my own strength but with some help from above. Would I get attacked again? I would if I become complacent, if I take things for granted, if I refuse to listen and surrender fully. Self before God? No, I've learnt my lesson.

Falling into the pit even though you want to go around it. You fight the temptation with your own will, not with the strength from God because you refused to seek. Once you're in, there's only one way out. You can't hide from it. You need faith to bail you out, if not you'll continue to wade in mud and slowly fade away.

It's not that no one sees you, but rather you can't see them. Because the pit opening is all you see.

Run.

Listen. It is easier said than done.

Frustration, anger and impatience builds up in the mind, you feel uncomfortable, you can't get anything into the grey mass. You think that the world is not meeting your expectations, while you are trying to meet the expectations of others. You're sinking into a serious boundary catastrophe of your own. After all this turmoil is over, guilt is knocking on your door. It's hard to shut it out. It will seep in, somehow. Faith will keep it out. Faith in the Father, Spirit and Son can do it. Go to the root of the problem which lies deep within, allow the spirit to fill your heart fully so that nothing else can come in.

"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful." Colossians 3:15

Command.

God has one whole long list of instructions for all of us. Understanding each instruction and executing them, I realise, can be hard.

I believe most of us understand that God has empowered some people with the authority to set rules for us to follow, and we have to abide by those rules if not it would be a clear defiance against God. Clear enough. Simple.

Sometimes, we just refuse to acknowledge these rules even though we know that they are in place. And when we try to find ways to explain why we are not following the rules, there's no way we could.

I'm glad that I have left my iPhone safely at home. It is for the better good, because I know I'm obeying God.


"In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:6

Count

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10

It's the process of being tested that we grow and mature, and become complete one day. We learn that God is with us through hardships, by constant prayer and patience to wait for His answer and the revelation of His perfect and wonderful will for each and every single one of us. I have learnt how painful it is to be disconnected from God, seeking not Him but my own perception of what I should be doing.

Make the days count.

Suffering

It's Good Friday today.

We don't have to wait till Good Friday to remember how much suffering Jesus, the Son of God, has gone through, and the reason for Him to have gone through so much humiliation and pain. He died for us-for our sins and for our death, so that we can be pure and have eternal life. Do we deserve this sacrifice? If you think that God and Jesus do not understand our suffering, please think again.

I like to ask God to search my heart, my inner desires first before I come before Him to ask for anything. If I cover up my heart, and do not allow God to know what am I thinking about even though He already knew, I would never be able to let the Holy Spirit fill me up. It's good to bear in mind that Jesus died for us even though we are all unworthy of it, so that we can make a conscious effort to try make up for our unworthiness. Would you want to disappoint God?

I read in a book by Nicky Gumbel which says that whoever that believes in God but does not know Jesus will also become holy and righteous and saved in the end by grace, because he has that least bit of faith that God actually exists. You might ask, so why should I accept Christ? Let me tell you this, if you do not know Christ, you won't be able to be assured of forgiveness and the abundant life He offers, both in this life and in the life to come. For Jesus is not only the way and the truth, He is also the life.

perfect: complete in all respects; without defect or omission; sound; flawless

This is how the Webster's Dictionary defines 'perfect'.

How would you define 'perfect'? What do you think is 'perfect'? Would you look into the mirror and say that the person whom you see is 'perfect'?

I have my flaws, my weaknesses, my imperfections. I admit that I'm not perfect. But I seek to make up for them, by putting trust in my God that He would help me out in places that I'm not good in. If I don't learn now, then when? It's also not only about God, not only about myself, but also the people around me. Are they kind enough to let me know where I need to improve on? Would they give me a chance to?

I have to say, the world is quite cruel. How many people out there actually do have so much patience to let you try and try and try again? They would rather put themselves before others. How are we supposed to learn and improve if the world is as such? Once you're slower, there you go, you're out of the game. The society rejects you and claims that you are inapt, and refuse you your chance to try. God has the patience. We all seek to be Christ-like, but we fail in the part when we say 'Yes, we will be patient. We will guide whoever that needs help.' How many would actually say that they will be patient for good, they will be always ready to guide. None.

Myself, I do have such problems as well. Praying about it helps. But, it takes time.