the space we need.

The extent of how much I have been blogging of late scares me, with the amount of stuff going through my mind and how I evaluate each thought. It is not exactly a bad thing, just that I am surprised with the level of brain activity going on.

I am not an extrovert, even though I can talk quite a fair bit in comfortable social situations when I am not under pressure. But after such bouts of extended conversations, I need plenty of time away on my own to settle down and let myself rest, away from the crowd and people. It usually happens at night after a long day. I need my space, and quite a lot of it sometimes. Given the choice, I would choose not to meet with too many people in a day. It can be just too overwhelming. I want to give my peers space as well, respect their time and not flood their schedules, however free they can be.

It works both ways and takes two hands to clap. Mutual understanding is important to properly understand the time space and to respect it. Some would try to dominate the schedules of others, squeezing and stretching every single bit of waking time out of their peers, giving convenient excuses for their clumsy awareness and keep pushing it. Even for couples engaged in a relationship, dating or married, it might be good to give each other some space at times as well, mutually agreeable of course. How can we look at this concept of giving space from a more Christ-centered perspective?

We all belong to God, all of our being belongs to God as well, even our time. We do not own the time that we have, even though we would like to think so, let alone the time that God has given to others. Thus, giving space to others is not merely respecting them, but it is a godly thing to do and respecting God that He is Lord over all. We might want to spend time with our loved ones, but treating their time as your own is selfish and not godly at all, putting God out of the picture. When a friend turns you down for a date, don't feel grumpy and think that he or she doesn't think well of you. Instead, be glad and thankful, that you can be loving and godly by giving them the space they probably need. It is important to draw these boundaries and protect the time that God has given.

tolerance.

I get angry and frustrated over the smallest comments that were perhaps unnecessary, by making some of such comments myself. It made me look petty, grumpy and unapproachable, which adds fuel to the anger. There is a reason I dislike electronic communication, especially text messaging, email, SMS or whatsapp. With electronic communication, save for Skype and voice calls, you take away emotions that can be found in speech when a person speaks using his or her voice, not fingers tapping on a screen. Emotions get replaced by yellow emoticons or colons and brackets. Do they really tell you how the other person is feeling? Besides, with electronic communication, you can choose to ignore, and the other person is either left hanging high and dry and wondering what was said wrongly, or he chooses to ignore as well. You don't get that when you talk face to face, people can't avoid but have to show it all. Misunderstandings will happen less frequently as well, as what you hear is substantiated by what you see–body language.

This beautiful humanly aspect of us is slowly but surely eroding away. It is a pity. We have to pay a price for convenience. There remains a reason why I still write letters to people who really matter to me, I can't write to everyone because I don't have that much time to do so and would not make sense because I don't have so much to tell some people. Letters mean more than emails, especially if the other end of the correspondence is in another place far from where I am. The handwriting tells a lot about how much effort a person puts in to pen the letter and possibly shows some of the emotions as well. It takes some skill to properly write a letter too. If you have a piece of paper, how much of it are you going to fill up, how are you going to fold it, how are you going to divide it?

It's hard to tolerate, very very hard, especially on busy days that I keep getting bothered by these little annoyances when all I want is for everything to run smoothly.

Singaporean in Singapore: The Role of Public Education System in Creating Our Identity

Compulsory public education in Singapore takes at least ten years to complete, from primary through secondary. Those are the greatly formative years of a child, and they contribute plenty to the creation of a national identity of sorts. It is a somewhat common memory that Singaporeans can relate to, even though each experience is unique. The ten years not only impart knowledge, but also teach us what is socially acceptable in Singapore by most Singaporeans who have been through this system. It trains us to be more socially apt, in ways that we are more sensitive to people who might be different. It creates the mainstream Singapore that you and I know. A Singaporean of the main system can tell right away if another is not from the same system almost right away, from the way he or she talks and thinks.

A friend of mine has been consistently making remarks that came across, to me, as jarring and inadequate. Certain comments were unnecessary, yet was thought of by that friend as perfectly normal. It was hard being tolerant and accepting such differences, because I would never expect a Singaporean to say such things or behave in this manner. There, I have to understand one key difference. That friend did not go through the same public education system as the people I know did. I used to consider myself different for having gone through 6 years of school without many Malay friends, coming from a Chinese Christian school followed by another Christian junior college. But there's an entirely different system out there that really sets this real minority group apart from the 'Singaporeans' we all know.

A Singaporean would not comment on the situation in Iraq by saying that "Muslims are killing Christians", but say "The Islamic State Troopers in Iraq are killing Christians". To just say the former is offensive and insensitive, but the latter puts the comment right back into context. The public education system forces us to learn about other races properly, tolerate with them by being sensitive. It is imbued into us without many of us even realising it.

A Singaporean identity? I would say it is sensitivity to other Singaporeans who don't look like us but behave just like us.

of a sore back and much indecisiveness

A couple of weeks before the semester begins, I am starting to take a more serious attitude towards my next 17 weeks. With the sore in my back lingering and keeping me awake at night, I can't help but to think about the modules I am considering to take. 5 or 6, ops or finance, maybe drop usp and do double spec, or stay on in usp and do double spec and do 24MCs for four semesters till I graduate? 

I don't think I was ever so indecisive when it comes to such matters, and it is pretty urgent given that bidding has started and will close in just a few days. At the crossroads, I don't know where to turn. For each one, I roughly know what I have in me to take it on, the pros and cons and what I might face. A sense of uneasiness remains due to the inherent uncertainty of what exactly will come for each option that I ultimately choose to take. 

Hope that I can remain calm enough to pray and make the right godly choice in the end. 

Jittery fear.

I'm scared, seriously scared. The last time I was diagnosed with dengue fever was some 9-ish ten years ago, and the feeling sucked. The high fever now won't subside and I have become a suspected case of dengue fever, again. The drugs are not doing their job and a blood test is scheduled on Friday if the fever does not subside by then.

Lord, help me to take joy even under such circumstances, and remember what Christ has done.

At the finish line.

This year's Tour de France saw plenty of upsets with riders crashing out in the initial stages. And just last night on the 15th stage of the tour, Jack Bauer from Garmin-Sharp lost his lead and a possible stage victory just 50m away from the finish line. He was found in tears on the road beside his bike after finishing the 222km long stage. I could relate to his pain in some ways, but not fully understanding the immensity of the disappointment he had. The feeling must have sucked big time.

But that was just a race and a stage victory at stake. In a race like this, you are not guaranteed of a victory even though it seems like you already have it in the bag for almost the whole race. Christians are in a different race altogether and we are constantly reminded to keep going till the end, if not we may risk being beaten at the finish line by sin. We are promised and guaranteed of a bigger prize than the pride of wearing the maillot jaune, which is eternal life in Christ with God, in his heavenly home.

Are you going to give up and let go of the inheritance right at the finish line and not going till the end? Will you want the eulogy at your funeral to be one that says "He did pretty well for the bulk of his Christian life, being faithful. But he gave up in the end and lost it all to sin." 2 Timothy 4:7 tells us that Paul has fought the good fight, that he has finished the race, and that he has kept the faith. Will you, as a Christian, be able to make such a statement at your end day?

Keep going, dear Christian warriors. Fight the good fight, finish the race, and keep the faith. It is going to be a hard fight, but worthwhile, and the victory is in your hands as long as you hold on.

Finding joy in Christ amidst the struggles.

It is stressful to live in a big modern city like Singapore and not hard to understand why. Everything around us is all about efficiency and excellence. Without either one you are deemed to be left behind. Singapore has well caught up with other trends too, with the advent of the internet, sin perpetuates what we see and hear and read. People around us start to dress suggestively, embracing that it is alright. Homosexuality perpetuates the society, condoning it and accepting it, even some Christians do. I face other struggles at home, on being respectful of my parents yet not accepting their pagan religions. With friends, I struggle with tolerating them. Struggle, struggle, struggles. It is such a struggle living in Singapore, on top of the struggles that I already face as a Christian. Maybe it is the latter that made me understand the struggles I am facing.

Why did I title this post giving the idea of joy even though I face so many struggles? Some people would say that they would rather give up than to fight on, for it is not worth it. And with that, they go back to their old ways as though they have never known Christ before. Where is the joy? I have to admit that even as a Christian, I do have thoughts of giving up sometimes. I am human with emotions built into me, and I have my down periods too. But the higher assurance that I have keeps me going. 

I believe that Christ died for my sins so that I can be reconciled to God. It is not because I deserve it that Christ had to die, but because I do not and did not deserve it, yet Christ died for me. Doesn't quite make sense because it seems a bit too good to be true. My joy is not found in earthly pleasures, though I know that they can keep me happy for temporary moments, like a good cup of coffee or a good meal, or even spending some time sharing with a friend and catching up. Some people may find temporal joy in other things, depending on what interests them. But these fleeting joys don't stay for good. We may fall back to our sorrow and struggles again soon after. Jesus promised true eternal joy to those who believe him.

To frame the concept of joy properly in our minds, we have to think out of the worldly ideas of joy, those that are not enduring. What we truly need is a right relationship with our creator, God. It is only when we are made right with him that we can be with him, back to the source of true joy. And the only way to be made right is by believing in Jesus! 

It is thus a sincere prayer to focus on Jesus, and the true joy promised. Not the little fleeting temporal joys that the world promise, for they fade away. Even in all the struggles and problems that we face, none of these things will take away any bit of the joy promised. Stand firm in Christ. 

the world around us

It is saddening and heartbreaking to hear of news after news of death of large numbers of people due to armed conflicts. The war in Gaza is a good case. And just last night, the shooting down of MH17 over Ukraine with a ground-to-air missile, killing all passengers and crew on board. My condolences goes to the victims whose lives have been claimed. The world around us is filled with such news everyday, where people kill other people, innocent or guilty. It is a world where human relationships are broken.

I pray for those whose loved ones have been lost in these tragedies. May God be with those affected.